Friday, June 16, 2006

clash and crash

sometimes i have a great day, and the moment i step into my home, everything comes crashing down. i walked in today dripping wet, after a long day at work, hungry, aching from woman pains, still damn happy for the way this week has turned out for me [nobody else seems to care, or has bothered to let me know] and all i got was is-this-how-its-going-to-be, why-didnt-you-eat-this, you-dont-talk-or-eat-with-us-anymore, you-will-not-go-out, youre-insensitive-and-selfish. and i dont know why. maybe everyone else is pmsing also. gist: everything came crashing down.

and i swear to god i dont know what went wrong. i dont know what more im 'supposed' to do, to fit in, and be perfect and meet 'the expectations'. it is nice to be appreciated for what you do sometimes, and not always hear how you suck and single-handedly ruin everything possible. because really if you can enter a place and fuck everyones mood up in the first 5 minutes, theres got to be something wrong somewhere.

and i swear to god, all i do is try and i cant do much more. i want to just go on hibernate mode at such times. stop caring what people feel, stop feeling anything myself. and just exist like a zombie, numb to it all.

all anyone around here does anymore is watch football. im fucking sick of it. i havent watched my regular shows in 2 weeks i think. iv been out a lot this week. thank god for that. i will be a willing victim to extended work hours from now on. so that i can delay coming home. so that i can come home, eat and sleep. wake up the next day and leave again.

i needed to rant. now that iv had it out, i feel much better.


akshay said...

maybe when your time comes to be the person sitting at home, you'll be more supportive and understanding. actually, i know you will be.

some peapples are bad, and some are you. you are a good thing.

haathi said...

maybe i will. then maybe i wont. bleah. its a dismal niche in the fluorescent picture of my future.