Friday, December 31, 2010

kind of apt, wouldnt you say?

its uncanny that this song happens to be the song of today, on repeat. on a day like today. when im contemplating on days gone by, the passage of time, the speed of days and wondering what lies ahead.

of everything else there is to listen to at any given point of time, it this song that has completely taken over me today. john mayer has that way of gripping me tight, so tight that i have had this song on loop all day.

oh make me a red cape. i wanna be superman.

2010, where did you go?

its the last day of yet another year that has slipped away before i realized it. december was probably the fastest month for me, and i have wanted to say so much, but have had no time at all. i havent even done my customary end-of-year-retrospective-post, and it feels just wrong to know that i will probably only do it in the new year!

2010 has been life changing in many ways. it gave me my fair share of good time, bad times, challenges, highs, lows and everything in between. the only things i would change:
- 2011, please go a little slowly. so i can soak it all in and enjoy the ride while it lasts. for a year of so much change and happening in my life, i do have a sense that i would have liked some more time to enjoy it.
- 2011, dont spring too many surprises on me. im slow in adapting to change and i think iv had enough radical change for one year. i need some time now.
- 2011, please give me some definite direction. im done enjoying the joyride. i need a sign now.

no real resolutions this time. i tend to make so many resolutions along the course of the year anyway, that making one just for the end of 2010-beginning of 2011 seems futile. here's to another fun-filled, healthy, rollercoaster of a year ahead hopefully.

im not big on the over-hyped NYE phenomenon, but i hope youre having yourselves a fun night to bring in the new year :) mine will be filled with BBQ experiments, food, drink, music and good company. just the way id like to remember the year thats gone by.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

random musings

its december. for some reason christmas time, of all reasons, made me TERRIBLY homesick. i dont know if its a combination of feelings that have been piling up for a while, or what it was really, but homesickness has sure hit home this holiday season.

to remember the city i miss, the home i miss, the people i miss, im sharing a picture i took in december (same time of year) 2 years ago.

in other news. A LOT is happening. A LOT is happening in my head. thoughts dying to be articulated and crafted into nice long blog posts. but theres a lethargy that has set in. work has been up and down and long days have set in. so much so that when i come home in the evening, i cant stand to turn on the laptop. which is why i havent been able to blog and keep up with everything i want to blog about. my head is bubbling with incomplete drafts. its annoying!

the lethargy im talking about has crept in so deep that i didnt exercise all week. i didnt even cook all week. that amounts to one long week of eating all meals out and getting no exercise to burn it off..fat load of good its going to do for me. yes, the emphasis was on *fat*.

on the bright side iv had the priviledge of discovering lots of humble, un-fancy local foods. fish curry rice at some smaller cheaper more authentic joints, the wonder that is the fish thaali and the amazing world of rass omlette straight out of the road side cart!

i have been so lazy, that i left my packing for the wedding undone till 7 hours prior to the bus leaving. for someone as pre-planned and organized as me, thats MADNESS. so lethargic i was that i left my visit to the parlour till 24 hours prior to leaving goa. and on christmas eve, that was me being very optimistic. the result? a 45 minute wait till someone got some time to pay attention to me, and a 30 minute slot to get what i needed to, done. irony of ironies.

so we leave for hyderabad this evening. and i just dont want to go. im not looking forward to the wedding craziness. im not looking forward to having to be prim and proper and dressed up. im not looking forward to being a show piece. and im not looking forward to the socialization. ah well. go i will.

see you on the other side of the weekend.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

waking up to KLPD

i woke up convinced it was friday.
but its not. its thursday.
which means the weekend is more than a day away.

*face palm*

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Im beginning to realize that I cant write anything emotional.
What I write, lacks emotion.


Monday, December 20, 2010

comic relief

Prateek: machaaaaa
what up
me: nothing da
struggling with a brief
Prateek: its not coming off?
just pull it down da
its all cool
me: ayyo
Prateek: hehehe

Some humor in the day :)


Do I really want to persevere?

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

the truth

i miss work in bangalore. terribly.
and thats all i have to say for now.

so, it only when you think about a situation in retrospect and you have a comparison to match it against, do you realize just what you really had. and yes, im talking purely about the work situation.

i cant say it enough and feel it enough. i MISS my job at EY. TERRIBLY. with all my heart. i miss tindoo. i miss swati. i miss the dynamics and understanding we had. i missed how we stuck our necks out for each other. i miss how we had a silent rapport, where so much was understood without having to say it. i miss the kind of work i did. i miss how easy it was. i miss how much i enjoyed it and how i could exercise my will and be given credit for it. i missed how free i was. i missed how i was in charge. i missed how i had found that which gives me so much joy and satisfaction. i miss not having to fumble and figure out why im doing what i am doing. i miss having found that comfort zone. because right now im in so much discomfort its not funny.

today, i probably shouldnt be making a comparison. but i cant help myself. the stupidity that made itself visible to me induced the comparison.

after 5 pretty awesome days and 2 decent days, i had my first downright fuckall day. the easiest thing to do would be to blame it on the one thing that i think is responsible for making me feel this way. but a small part of me, and all the things iv learnt from my various professional experiences is telling me to calm down and introspect. so, introspect i will.

im frustrated and pissed off today. and its something i havent felt in a long time. not thanks to "work" at least. over and out.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

a weekend of firsts

its been a weekend of many firsts:
the first time (in weeks) that vc was home
the first time i devoured a goan fish thaali
the first time i allowed feni to overpower my love for g&ts
the first time i woke up at 5 45 am on a sunday morning, in goa
the first time i felt the need to wear a windcheater, in goa
the first time i watched a misty dawn turn into a moody mellow sunrise right before my eyes, in goa
the first time i enjoyed a goan breakfast in a roadside shack. fun! yummy!
the first weekend i spent as a working girl, in goa
the first time i cooked mondays lunch on sunday evening

we dont drive north very often because its always crowded. and since the season is well and truly here, even more so. we intended to have a quiet saturday night at home, in the company of mr feni and ms orange juice. but in the right company, it seems we can be convinced to do exactly what we had hitherto decided to avoid! i could blame that on the feni too.

so after a few drinks we ended up driving up north. we discovered that the key is to take the back route along the river and leave post 10 30. so at 11 pm, we walked into a steak house of sorts, enjoyed some live music that went on past midnight and then enjoyed a lovely drive back. at least i though it was a lovely drive back home. because i was driving. the two men i was driving home were 1) asleep, and 2) tense about how i was driving, respectively.

however, despite having slept at 1 30 last night, in a definite post-feni stupor, vc and i managed to wake up at 5 30 as promised and met up with some office folks and drove out to diwar island even before the sun was up. what followed was a few hours of gorgeousness, photography to capture it and many laughs :)

this was taken on the ferry towards diwar island:

for more, look here: Click!

soul satisfying music

Theres music of all kinds. The kind of music that is pleasant and makes you smile, the kind that kicks your butt and makes you get up and dance, the kind thats so mellow it makes you lie back and ponder, the kind that can play in the background by itself and put you in the right frame of mind to work, the kind that makes you head bang mindlessly, the kind that just makes you happy. And then theres the kind of music that grabs your attention and makes you want to do nothing else but listen. And feel it. In the lyrics. The rhythm and groove. The tones and the vocals. The music, the chords and the melody. The kind that says something to you. The kind that touches you and speaks to you in a way that only music can.

My grand dad always said that heartfelt music, performed/sung/delivered with emotion and intention, would always connect with the listener, regardless of the kind of music or listener. And Iv found this to be true in so many cases.

I listen to all kinds of music. From obsessing over the nostalgia that The Beatles bring, to the heady trip of Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin, to my new triphop/ambient music phase with the likes of Bonobo and Zero7, to mellower music like that of John Mayer, Iv found that there are some tracks that just hit the right spot. It doesnt happen uniformly with every song/track performed by an artist that I identify with. But with those select few, when that connect happens, that aha moment, that sudden gasping ohmigawwsh connect that sweeps you off your feet and transports you to another world, can give that music a whole different meaning.

I felt that again last night. Im a big John Mayer fan. Mostly because I think hes hugely talented, very grounded, writes beautifully and makes some amazing tunes and music. An all rounded musician, he is. And the reason I really like him is because so much of his music makes that special connection with me. Speaks to me. Its music I identify with. Lyrics that speak of things Iv felt and done. Melody thats clever, beautiful and soul stirring. And boy when he gets the groove on, he gets it on like he really means it. And thats what makes all the difference.

Last night I wasnt sleepy. And Id run out of downloads to watch. So I turned on the "Where the light is" gig that I had actually downloaded many moons ago, but just never got down to watching. And here is the opening scene:

It gave me goose bumps. That pretty much says it all.

The rest of the gig only goes upwards from that point on. John Mayer in 3 avatars. His newer style, his trio with their typical bluesy funky style, and his popular tugging-at-the-heart mellow music. This one gig alone took me through such a spectrum of emotions. From goosebumps in the beginning, to head bumping groove and rhythm that made me move even though I was lying in bed, tense silence when he lazily wandered over the frets of his guitar before wandering on to a familiar tune that made a favorite song recognisable, to having a lump in my throat at certain poignant musical moments in the gig, when he hit just the right note, took me by surprise and got carried away with a massive guitar-drum conversation with his insane drummer, to downright tears when he sang gravity.

John Mayer is like the Jamie Oliver of music to me. The same intensity, same raw passion and sheer joy at doing something he loves. It just comes through. Gushes out and engulfs you. John Mayers got it all. And everything hes got is all in this one gig. I absolutely must watch him live. I just added it on my bucket list. My life would be incomplete without it.

Friday, December 10, 2010

feni fridays freakiness

this is on repeat. it has been for a while.
i dont know if its because its because its friday night. or perhaps its because im just feeling cheesy and all. or maybe because i havent eaten any carbs all day. or maybe its just the uncontrollable punju-ness. or maybe its the association..but this one just makes me want to do the punju shoulder move.

theres something just so happy and joyful about this song. the video makes me want to wear wedding clothes and go to a nice fancy wedding and dance my ass off.

anyhoo, i think i have resorted to video posting because i feel like im bursting with energy and with things to say. the thoughts arent keeping pace with the forces that be and help me process and make sense of them. theyre racing out and away from me before i can put them down. too much has happened and much has been felt and far too much felt like it needed to be blogged about.

but. yes theres always a but, isnt there?
its been the first week of work. the first since march 2010. and seeing as how my life has drastically changed since then, and slipped into rolling weeks of timeless days of meandering, this new routine has kicked my butt big time. so i have decided to go easy on myself and not put unnecessary pressure on myself to blog as i feel i should.

so until i find time and more importantly, the mindspace to make a sensible post, please accept and deal with my bouts of madness. my random cheesy music videos. telegraphic posts and all things unacceptable in blogdom.

its been a fairly fantastic week. despite the madness and completely torrential routine. awesome would describe it well.

now im off to nurse my feni. its feni friday.
and im afraid im turning into a convert. but im so willingly let it happen, its ridiculous.


Wednesday, December 08, 2010

slice of life

A day in what could very well become my everyday life.

Woke up at 6 45.
Ran through my chores that included a chain of nonstop running back and forth between, bathroom, kitchen and bedroom.
Left for work at 8 15.
Got through yet another day of information overload, visual overload, wacky idea overload until my brains could take it no longer. Clearly, Im so out of touch with the world of advertising I left behind 3 years ago.
Left work at 6 30.
Tanked up the car, shopped for veggies, drove home.
Entered home at 7.
Started workout at 7 10.
Ended at 8.
Got dinner started at 8.
Showered while it stewed and simmered.
Continued to finish dinner off between 8 30 and 9.
Ate dinner while I watched yet another mindless and boring episode of bigg boss.
Cleared up the kitchen at 10.
Brainstormed with VC to try and "get the wack on".
Its 10 17. And. Im. POOPED.

Thoughts: How do "working women" do this? And my working life hasnt even fully begun yet.
If this is the life of a working woman. I think I was a working girl all these years. I have just stepped over and crossed worlds.

Oh, and did I mention, this is the day in what could very well be my life. IN GOA.
Oh, and also, I was previously self-employed. Free to use my time as I wished. And I gave that up.
For this.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

day 2 pondering

Day 2 is done. Yes, Im lost. Yes, Im confused. Yes, Im still clueless about where I am and how to get around. But I havent lost heart as yet. I guess thats an improvement.

Its too soon to say if Im enjoying myself or not. But heres a SWAT analysis of sorts..
The goods:
- Its nice to be out of the house
- Its nice to interact with people
- Its nice to have a sense of purpose, professionally

The not so good:
- I think Iv forgotten how I picked things up fast
- I think too much
- Its hard to break the ice and into pre-existing cliques, even if I wanted to do that
- The fucked up routine which will take getting used to

The challenges:
- Waking up early enough to make sure Im out of the bathroom and into the kitchen at an optimum time
- Trying to stay afloat amidst the information overload and the expectations I perceive
- Figuring out the right way to ensure I get the run/work out to happen and the cooking back on track
- Dealing with a lack of time for myself and making the most of what I have at the end of the day

I suddenly feel short on time. Its odd to spend the larger part of the day at work and just a few hours at home before I go to bed. I miss my free-life. But it just the beginning, and this time Iv decided I wont be hard on myself about unimportant things, and sink my feet in slowly. Here's to a new beginning, that I hope sees the light of day.

Im sleep-deprived, fuzzy in the head, yet hopeful :)

Monday, December 06, 2010

monday morning pondering #653

I am exceptionally aware of my yesterday and who I used to be then.
Im acutely perceptive about the person I am now, today.
It is tomorrow that continues to elude me. What will I be tomorrow? What will tomorrow be?

thought for today. and tomorrow. and forever more.

"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go."


Friday, December 03, 2010


its been a lazy, lethargic day from the word go. from the moment i woke up, i wanted to go back to bed. and everything i did, i did slowwwwly.

days like this are miserable, because its a challenge to get myself to do the everyday things i ought to do. because i feel like i should clear up, do the laundry and get cooking, but i just lie there and expect that they will get done on their own. fat hopes. so i skipped clearing up and the laundry too. as a result theres random stuff lying around, and i cant stand to look. the furniture is strewn in an unorderly manner and its killing the monica gellar in me. the laundry is piling high in the hamper and i cant bear to look. but i had to drag myself to cook me a decent lunch, lest i resort to apples again. funny thing is, once i was in the kitchen i had a blast and i made a totally awesome veggie pulao (if i may say so myself!). the best part being, i didnt follow a recipe. i used my instincts and culinary sensibilities, that i would like to think have been fine-tuned in recent weeks. i also photo documented it, and published it on the food blog. you know whats better? the pulao totally hit the spot as far as flavour and taste goes! something i have failed to do until today. so yay.

that was but a minor upper in the otherwise mostly lazy downer of a day. after lunch i napped. big mistake. because the only thing that ever does to me, is further slow down all movement, thinking and even the mere intention to do anything at all. the evening dragged along. and i have officially hit an all time high as far as the lethargy goes. because i bunked my workout today. the only parts of my body that got any exercise were..
my fingers, as they clicked refresh on fb and typed emails and blog drafts.
my upper back and neck, from all the stretching and contorting into various horizontal positions until i found one conducive to lying down and typing.
my eye lids, thanks to the excessive blinking from staring at the computer screen and drying out.
in fact i think the rest of me is slowly fusing into the mattress below me.

so yeah. this has not been an altogether good day. except for the bit where i cooked and took pictures of what i cooked. that part was pure and unadulterated joy. and im going to tell you about that in another post. but first, i have gotto get out of bed, shut down this damn laptop and get some fresh air.

*proceeds to peel and detach self from mattress*

Thursday, December 02, 2010

what one does on a week of extended freedom.. evades putting ones thoughts down in a coherent manner, and resorts to spewing random tidbits of information, leaving readers to make what they will of what follows..

1) I finished Kafka on the Shore, and South of the Border-West of the Sun and am powering through After the Quake. Murakami is intense, confusing at times, but a very riveting author, whos writing is like taking a journey into a different world. Its hard to come across the kind of craft and story-telling like I have just seen in Murakami's writing. In the case of all the books mentioned above, I have had a hard time putting the book down and getting things done around here. Which if why, it helps that I am on my week of extended freedom! That said, I think when Im done with After the Quake, Im going to need something light, cheery and breezy to read. Recommendations?

2) In between being buried amidst my books, Iv also been on a food spree. We went to the IFFI version of khau-galli. Our very own promenade dotted with food stalls with a surprisingly tasty variety of street food from all over. Everything from dabeli and vada pav to pav bhaji and chaat, kababs and biryani, to gola and gobi manchurian! Read about it on my other blog. I was determined to take pictures because the street festivity presented many moments worthy of being captured. So I decided to go with my half blind eye, the trusty green dot that tells me when somethings in focus and went click-clicking away. Im personally not too happy with the pictures, but it seems I havent lost touch and I still have an eye. So hopefully this is the beginning of the revival.

3) Part of the food spree also percolated into my own kitchen and led me to try my hand at making BisiBeleBhaath! Lets just say desperate times call for desperate measures. I was food-home-sick (which is to say home-sick for food!) and something needed to be done. So I decided to take matters into my own hands and try my luck. And the result was a pretty kick-butt kinda BBB, if you know what I mean. So I was able to satiate our food cravings, and doing it rather well too. Hows that for a win-win situation? That endeavour has been neatly documented too. By me, singlehandedly. Amidst cursing VC for not being around when I needed him and his clever photographic eye the most! Take a look at my efforts on the food blog.

4) The food spree didnt end there. The husband has been making loud noises about needing to eat dessert for a while now. But I have been buried nose deep in my books and general glory of being free, and we had a bit of a milk-shortage situation, which seemed conveniently timed, to pay heed to his hints. However my blog-hopping led me to this fantastic blog: Divine Taste, where I found this ridiculously-easy-sounding recipe for Chocolate Custard. Milk, cream, chocolate, vanilla -- whats not to like? So I tried my hand at that too. Yes hand, because while one hand tried to mix the various ingredients together and make a complete mess around the kitchen, the other tried to juggle a DSLR and take pictures to document the process. For the food blog, of course! Take a look, and tell me my efforts of juggling 500ml milk, 200ml cream and a camera were worth it.

5) It makes me happy that the food blog has undergone that revival it so desperately needed. It was started over a year ago, as a means to make our weekends (in an otherwise very boring and dull week) entertaining, for the husband and I to indulge in the two things we love: food and photography. It is only in recent times that the "cooking" and "culinary" aspect of food has crept into our lives. What with moving out of home and setting up a home of our own, having to fend for ourselves food-wise, and the husband turning non-vegetarian again. Clearly, food has become more than a mere necessity. It is a priority!