Tuesday, August 29, 2006

martin at work

i hate dogs, but i LOVE martin. for those who dont know who martin is, look here.

the poor dumb fool follows us everywhere. today he came into the boardroom. dense as he is, he doesnt get that the air-conditioning is always too cold for him. so he stands outside the door and politely whines and begs to be allowed in, nevertheless. and so he was let in. half way through our 3.5 hour meeting, we heard him sniffle and softly growl and bark. very softly, wispily, like a doggy angel!

turned to look at him, and there he was in true martin-style! fast fast fast asleep with his legs in the air, genitals for the whole world to see. and his head rolled back, in the deepest slumber. and we suddenly realised he was dreaming. and sleep-talking! it was the cutest sight in a long time! on being called "martin! wake up!" very softly and gently, he rolled out in one swift motion, to upright position..almost like nothing had happened. like a child that was caught doing something embarrassing, who then pretends like nothing had happened!

certainly made for a very welcome distraction in the middle of what seemed to be the longest meeting ever.

charlie chaplin again

a few days ago, i rediscovered charlie chaplin. except im not 5 anymore, watching it on sunday mornings on doordarshan. so it was an all new-old experience. we watched modern times at work, all of us togetehr. all that was missing was the popcorn, which was ALMOST organised for.

charlie chaplin is so much more than slapstick comedy. its so much more than comedy for comedys sake. its so much more than one man alone making a silent movie so captivating.

its dark. its inherantly melancholic and sad. its so real. its so relevant. its timeless. we watched this movie 70 years after it was first made. still silent, still black and white, still so old. and yet so alive and relevant. and it made so much sense to me. and then someone told me of these lines, and i couldnt help but think they're so apt for the movie experience..

"the barque of humour often veers
from shoals of smiles to seas of tears"

in other news, i feel renewed. this weekend, im off on a mini holiday. and i cant wait!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

my head...

...feels weird.

i dont know if its all the lack of sleep, or all the endless days of eating out, or the lack of a proper routine outside of work, or the unsettled feeling of not knowing whats coming next.

or maybe i know what it is, and its something very specific and very related to today, but id rather not discuss it or give it too much importance, lest it takes over my very being.

i need to work out. for which i need to sleep early so i can drag my sorry lazy fat ass out of bed every morning. for which i need to sleep early. for which i need to get home at a decent hour every night. for which i need to come straight home from work. for which i need to forget about certain other individuals in my life. for which i need to get a grip on MY life. for which i need to prioritise ME. for which i need to want to do that. i need to get real and stop making excuses.

ugh. i hate not being in control of myself, and my life. i hate watching the world go by like its all nice and fun, when here i am feeling so weirdly confused and bewildered and unsettled and uneasy. i need to exercise. i need the endorphins. and nobody can give them to me, but myself.

i need to start caring about me above all else. everyone else seems to do that for themselves. everybody including all those i care about more than i care about myself. (is that really possible?)

everybody hurts.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

can we go?

take me back to pleasant days resort.
take me back to the dirtiest car iv ever seen.
take me back to the boys.
take me back to the jeera rice and dal fry.
take me back to the air-conditioned room.
take me back to the chicken sandwich.
take me back to the many liters of coke.
take me back to the bathtub.
take me back to the telephone shower.
take me back to the tv.
take me back to the heat and humidity.
take me back to the interesting company.
take me back to the sweaty nap in the car.
take me back to the sneeziest 2 days of my life.
take me back to the little shed by the road.
take me back to the run through the dry grass.
take me back to the car that ran out of diesel.
take me back to my first drive, riding shotgun.
take me back to the drive in the rain.
take me back.
i need a holiday.

whats the deal

after years of wondering what the deal with automobile-lovers is..i have concluded that its a special gene common to them all—automobile-speed-driving freaks. its got to be genetic, it cant be anything else. i bet, if studied closely (and i mean dissected and scrutinised) there's got to be some sort of abnormality, and its got to be common to them all. a distended part of the brain, an extra gene, or extra squishy brain fluid, or an appendage somewhere in the head..theres just no other explanation.

what makes some men obsessedly devoted to their automobiles? actually not just THEIR automobiles, but any automobiles in general? what makes them want to do everything, as best as they can, in the interest of maintaining and treating their cars well? what makes them treat a car like a person, with a heart and a sould? what makes them want to cry when selling an old car? or when a super car is totalled? what makes them want to kiss their cars goodnight before going to sleep? what makes them want to spend extra money of superior fuel? what makes them apologise everytime they drive over a bump or into a ditch? what makes them so friggin obsessed that they cant help eat, sleep, think, dream, live automobiles? to spend day after day in a grubby, crummy garage, pulling parts of a car apart and studying them closely like they were live specimen. to have a life-long dream of owning a particular pile of metal. to get shattered to think the day, when you'll actually own it, might never come. to feel someone elses passion for a car/bike/auto/bus/tractor. to love anything on wheels with enough bhp to get from one place to another. to respect automobiles more than you respect people around you. to save up enough money and blow it on a day at a motorsport club, to endlessly circle the circuit at mindboggling speeds, that only make my stomach turn.

im convinced its a genetic specification. iv met a bunch of people..to say they LIVE, EAT, SLEEP, DREAM, THINK, BREATHE cars, is just an understatement. i think iv recently learnt a new kind of passion. and the more i see of it, the more im convinced its special. its like talent..its unique. its genetic.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006


i watched the hindi adaptation of othello. i dont even know the shakespearean version, but i watched it anyway. and i was impressed. really. saif is brilliant. and i came out thinking wow is that what kajol is married to?! and also, vivEik oberoi is not so bad, though he cant escape looking like a fluffy, pretty, wispy city boy no matter what role he plays. saif is brilliant. im going to dream about him for a few nights to come now..sigh.

konkona is not bad, but the other two women quite sucked - kareena and bips. what shit man, some people are just so overrated. bipasha for her big boobs and not so perfectly voluptuous body, and kareena for her non existent beauty and non existent acting skills. personally i think she looks like a transvestite..with bleached side burns that glow in the light.

that apart, the movie was very good. its very rare that a hindi movie turns out realistic, without over done song and dance sequences, with a decently brilliant acting (by that i mean, very convincing roles played out) and a compelling plot and a realistically scary story that does touch you. and by touch you i dont mean strike-a-chord types that leaves you emotional and moved. i mean the sort that conveys what its supposed to. the sort thats made with so much intensity that it conveys it fully. the sort that does what art is supposed to..mean something "really" and mean it well. the adaptation weaves the real story into the indian scene very well. subtle and hard-hitting.

i loved it. especially since i had a subway tuna 6 inch sandwich before, and mama mia gelato half way thru, and i drove home listening to faith on repeat. it rocked.

now to go buy myself the soundtrack. the music was pretty darned good. i was impressed. the director is the music director and the music was such a refreshing change. well, almost all of it. go see it if you like to be surprised by the occasional good hindi movie, and you havent seen it already. (and if you hate it, dont kill me)

Saturday, August 12, 2006

martin and melissa

martin and melissa are a couple that come to work. theyre so in love. they're also damn frikkin regular. on the dot, everyday, all the time, they come in together and leave together when they go home for lunch and they come back together and leave at the end of the day..together.

but martin is the perfect example of "the oppressed husband." i mean, they're incredibly romantic and all the two of them, but theres this constant vibe that melissa gives off..and it speaks "stay where you are, if you know whats good for you." and martin quietly complies and stays mum and remains unassertive. yet, they're always coochie-cooing and snuggling up every chance they get, and wherever martin goes, melissa follows close behind. they're awdully nice to everyone else at work. polite and warm and very affectionate. they never stop to think before a warm how-are-you rub, or a i-missed-you cuddle after the weekend.

and really, they're great as individuals, and they're also nice to each other for the larger part. but i think all that is because of the tight hold melissa has on the reigns in their relationship. clearly, she calls the shots. martin cant even eat in peace, unless she looks over at his food and approves, or lets him eat it, without her forcing herself on his food. at group meetings shes always following him around, just in case he gets something she might miss out on. and when he is offered something, shes quick to butt in and take her share if she feels hes not worthy.

martin is quite the sedate, push-over. he takes all the shit melissa gives him, constantly throwing her weight around. he never stand up for himself. never complains. rarely protests. and yet, where one goes, the other follows close behind. he also has this VERY strange habit, when he naps (which he does an awful lot) its always with his legs in the air, and his privates exposed to the whole world. i dont know how he manages to stay comfortable in the weirdest of positions, with his legs in mid air and his family jewels etc for all to see. melissa really ought to tick him off about that. but she doesnt. when he's napping, in his warm spot, she only cuddles up close to him and keeps him warm. like i said, they're so in love.

im not even a big dog-lover. but i've grown to quite like this couple, that are a part of the team at work. someone said: only dogs know how to really love. i think its an animal thing, we're not fortunate enough to feel in its purest form.

heres a picture: martins the brown one, as you can see his eyes are mellow and innocent. melissas the fire brand on the left.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


i just cut my nails. its 10 42 pm. apparently its a bad omen. maybe i shouldnt have. maybe it will cast a spell on my happy od trip. shucks.

meanwhile, while im still od'ing on happiness, im considering taking a picture of my slippers. they're happy and fun.

also its a point to note how my happiness is only always related one of 2 things: - doing/feeling well in life and - incredible amounts of love (or lowe as i call it) vibes doing the rounds.

its also interesting how happiness and well being in one department of life, somehow penetrates the rest of my life.

hmm..there's nothing like being happy. be it after eating a deadly good meal, having a long hot shower, ice cream, being appreciated, feeling loved, basking in the sunshine, dancing the night away, a happy rush after a 3 km run or for that matter even a few kind words, from someone least expected.

im happy, for no apparent reason. or maybe there is a really obvious reason, that i cant really see. my mom would always rightly point it out in a situation like this.

i want to take off this long weekend. but wouldnt it be a little strange that i "fall sick" right between the weekend and the official holiday. i think so. sigh...

Sunday, August 06, 2006

happiness, more or less

my day began at 5 45 am today. drove over 170 kms. had a complete blast. and wish i could do something like this every sunday. what i saw: a porsche carrera s, a mongoose, mist like i havent in a long time now, mist that makes it hard to see 5 ft ahead of you, akshay belting the bluebeedoo up the hill (its fun!) and a lot of northies treating the place like the hindi movie set.
lets just say, im addicted. not the best pictures, but something that id like to remember the trip by. it was so much fun. this is where i went..

Friday, August 04, 2006

just one of those days

some days no matter how hard you try or how long you persevere or how much you think you're doing the right best thing, its just not bloody good enough.
some days everyones dissatisfaction catches you by surprise and hits you bang between your eyes, when you least expect it.
some days you just dont know whats going on, what went wrong, or why things are the way they are.
some days the flu makes things worse than they could ever be.
some days women can be mean and insensitive.
some days people completely misunderstand earnest heartfelt emails.
some days you have to learn to let go.
some days it feels like you're alone.
some days all the happiness and lovely warmth of the past gets overshadowed by the fuckall momentary present.
some days i wish i wasnt me.
some days i wish i was stronger - physically, mentally and emotionally.
some days i just want to go for a long drive all alone.
some days you begin to realise things are not what you imagine them to be, in your stupid happy little head.
some days you also know that a little sleep will make it all better tomorrow.

im going to go sleep and let the antihistamine do its thing. god knows, i need it now. lets hope at least the tablets stick by me today.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

more gnr

yesterday, there was so many things i was never told
now that im starting to learn
i feel im growing old
cause yesterdays got nothing for me
old pictures that il always see
time just fades the pages in my book of memories

prayers in my pocket and no hand in destiny
il keep on moving along with no time to plant my feet
cause yesterdays got nothing for me
old pictures that il always see
some things could be better if we'd all just let them be

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

more nostalgia and a chocolate rush

been addicted to bon jovi for a few days now. more specifically, keep the faith. i dont know why. for no apparent reason, i pulled out an OLD cd and its been on repeat ever since. when you listen to a song that many times, it begins to present itself to you in fragments. vocals, bass, drums, first section, chorus, riff, end, fade out..all separate parts. it disintegrates even as it plays for the 6754096th time and yet something holds it together right till the end. bon jovi takes me back 4 years, to where it all began. in my mind im back in 12th grade, listening to bon jovi on my walkman, at the back of the school bus and feeling all dreamy. what a trip.

today i got my very own work station. my own place, from where i wont be uprooted. the opposite of a temporary set up. my private desk and drawers and soft board. and my own computer and my own system. outlook, office xp, access to the network, wordweb, stickies and all! what a trip.

on sunday evening, i drove down listening to sweet child. theres something about a lazy sunday evening, sun-down drive, with guns and roses playing very loudly. more nostalgia. what a trip.

todays my dads birthday. i ordered a RICH chocolate cake. and demolished quite a bit myself. and then lay down in my bean bag. listless. not moving. not even so much as lifting a finger, much like a beached whale on a scorching sea-shore. and then i proceeded to get fatter. what a trip.