Thursday, August 24, 2006

my head...

...feels weird.

i dont know if its all the lack of sleep, or all the endless days of eating out, or the lack of a proper routine outside of work, or the unsettled feeling of not knowing whats coming next.

or maybe i know what it is, and its something very specific and very related to today, but id rather not discuss it or give it too much importance, lest it takes over my very being.

i need to work out. for which i need to sleep early so i can drag my sorry lazy fat ass out of bed every morning. for which i need to sleep early. for which i need to get home at a decent hour every night. for which i need to come straight home from work. for which i need to forget about certain other individuals in my life. for which i need to get a grip on MY life. for which i need to prioritise ME. for which i need to want to do that. i need to get real and stop making excuses.

ugh. i hate not being in control of myself, and my life. i hate watching the world go by like its all nice and fun, when here i am feeling so weirdly confused and bewildered and unsettled and uneasy. i need to exercise. i need the endorphins. and nobody can give them to me, but myself.

i need to start caring about me above all else. everyone else seems to do that for themselves. everybody including all those i care about more than i care about myself. (is that really possible?)

everybody hurts.

8 comments:

Prateek said...

its all about what makes you happy raaavana!!!

do that and everything else falls into place.

only way to get over confusion is to stop whatever you are doing and take some time off by yourself and just listen to that inner voice. we dont sometimes because everything else around us is louder.

cheers!! and have a good day

haathi said...

wah! sent off full gyaan aa! too good macha..
anyway thats exactly what im doing today..at work and after.
bleah. have a good day. and when you're back, we'll celebrate!

Manu said...

i dont care abt anybody, its me+gumani against the world!

akshay said...

yes aa. what about saachi

Quietly Amused said...

and get some sleep or run the spell checker. But about life spiralling out of control... sometimes it's fun to let it go and see where it takes you.

haathi said...

manudhrax: i dont have a gumani. i dont have an anything. ppdu no!

a: what about her???

qa: sleep, im getting plenty of it. i mean to wake up at 6 45 every morning, but it ends up becoming 8, somehow! spell check wasnt done because after i published, blogger died at me.

Ajeya said...

hope you find your space

Noojes said...

Ouch

noojes