signs of a slowly-turning-goan

you end up having a perfectly goan sunday afternoon, without realizing it.
it features:
beer
goas best chicken cafreal
conversation and laughter
and.. wait for it..feni. so fresh, that you end up BUYING yourself a bottle to take home.
a drive through the country-side of north goa, escaping the highway and the traffic.
it was gorgeous, and i wish i had pictures. but you really just had to be there to see what i mean.

and yes, the chicken cafreal was TO.DIE.FOR.
also, i had a change of heart as far as my opinion on feni goes.

the only thing missing, was the proverbial afternoon siesta, which in time i shall master. i did say "slowly-turning-goan", right?

'nuff said.

a saturday well spent

the last saturday, so to speak

yesterday, the dilemma of the day included wonderful things like: which new book should i read first? and should i change the sheets today or tomorrow? should i be upset or not?

now the weekend is here. and surprise surprise! the husband is at work. that leaves me, my list of chores (like changing the sheets) to be finished, and my 2 fresh and crispy books all to myself.



the good thing about having a bunch of reading is that you can take it anywhere you please, and you cont necessarily have to bound to your home. so once my chores are done, im thinking i should take myself, my books and my bathing suit to the beach. there i will bring on my good friend mr-sex-on-the-beach and kick back and let the rest of saturday unfold itself.

this is, after all the last weekend of utmost freedom. and i cannot let it just pass me by.

bedtime hilarity

This: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

random thought #6736

theres nothing worse than being the victim (for no fault of your own) in a situation, where you can do nothing to resolve it, but can only helplessly and tirelessly endure it.

mental note: some things will not change, so have no expectations.

fishing into the past..

..can be a good thing. because then you discover moments like this:

and you remember the day when crazy decided to hook up with crazy. for life. and you can go back and relive the excitement again.

delight to my eyes

i love goa. i do. so much.

except for times when i have to wait 20 minutes in a medical store only to be told that only 1 out of 2 items on my list is available, and the one item that is handed to me is wrong.

and when the weirdo neighbour shuts her door at the slightest sign of my presence.

and when im driving at night enjoying myself, only to be blinded by the oncoming onslaught of high-beams. yes, EVERYBODY likes to drive with their brights on.

and when im cribbing about the occasional power cut. and the slow internet speeds. and the lack of customer assistance when you have a problem with either.

and when im driving around in circles trying to find things that i would find just around the corner in bangalore.

and when the idiot grocery store guy doesnt give me what i want simply because hes not in the mood.

and when i need something in the middle of the afternoon, or past 9 pm, but theres no way i can get it because panjim is asleep.

and when i realize i cant get a decent nice haircut without looking like someone pecked the hair off my head.

despite all that and more, i love goa. dont get me wrong. i do too. so much.

i love it for all the tiny restaurants and eateries, that dont have much of an ambience to speak of. yet serve amongst the tastiest food iv eaten here.

and i love it for the greenery right outside my window.

and i love it for the still-not-too-crowded roads and for being able to get anywhere in panjim in not more than 15-20 minutes.

and i love it for the openness, for being 7 minutes from the sea, and for the fresh air.

but most of all, i love it for the mighty watercolor clouds, insane sunsets and fresh clean skies that take my breath away..again..


and again..

and again..

and again..

and again..

and again..

post-dinner pondering

perhaps a nice quiet coffee, followed by a cheerful dinner (yes, i know the order is reversed :P) is what i needed to suddenly realize again that im such a one-on-one kind of person. im no good in groups. in cliques. in clans. in gangs.

thanks karishma :)

sharing the happy news

my good friend BP has just had a baby in the month of september. i was over the moon and felt very happy for her and S, because thanks to my move to goa and being online all the time and her maternity leave and being online a lot, we have spent a lot of time chit-chatting right through her pregnancy.

since i have such a strong opinion on having kids of my own, BPs interesting stories and anecdotes allayed my curiosity about a lot of things in that area that i am so sure i will not tread into for a while. as a result i feel like i was quite a part of her excitement, anxieties, curiosity, and her sense of being overwhelmed. BP is tiny herself, and to think that she now has her own Tiny, is in itself such a wonder!

the point of this post is to publicise a blog of her own, where she details the new experiences of being a mother. i enjoy reading it, and i think Tiny is ADORABLE, so i couldnt help but share it here :)

read on: http://growingupwithtiny.blogspot.com

bookworming

kafka on the shore has left me mesmerized. and wanting more. so im on a murakami buying spree:
- after the quake
- south of the border, west of the sun
- norwegian wood, which iv read before, but wish to own

and since flipkart is slowly turning me into a shop-a-holic, iv also added in:
- the kite runner
- haroun and the sea of stories
- on the road, because i dont know where my old copy is and i wish to read it again

what im feeling:

the joys of
..fitting into your jeans perfectly again
..not feeling overstuffed
..feeling energetic and light
..toned and healthy
..being able to wear that pair of shorts you stashed away for months (not until you're ..thinner, you told yourself)
..enjoying that everyday endorphin rush

dis.connect.

iv done it again.
im off fb. yet again.
i dont know how long it will be this time.
i cant decide what made me do it, either.
i dont know if and when i will be back.
i probably will, i just dont know when.
all i know is it was beginning to eat into my time. and thats far too much time spent hooked on to a virtual social networking platform. id rather be out there doing something talking to real people, if there are any.

ho-humm-sigh.
back to my book.

ps: in other news, the food blog has been updated :)

half the weekend wasted

the weekend is half-over. the husband worked ALL THROUGH yesterday, leaving me to find other ways to spend my saturday, which would otherwise have been spent together.

i spent the day glued to a book i have been trying to finish for a while now: haruki murakami's "kafka on the shore". with all the interruptions of entertaining guests and having hectic weekends, its often felt like the book has been dragging on and on and on, but yesterday with the house all to myself and not much else to do, i was hooked and booked. someone described the book as "a fall through the rabbit hole" -- and now, with just under a 100 pages left to go, i couldnt find a better way to describe it. it truly is a bit like being forced to delve into a crazy world. a world where it rains fish, cats talk and imaginary characters called johnnie walker and col sanders guide the character through what is destined for him.

in true murakami style the book beautifully blends crazy fantasy, with real-world stories of people, their feelings, their fears and insecurities and everybodys search for that something that gives them purpose in life. hes writing is such a perfect fit of style and sense. nothing more, nothing less -- everything balanced and just right. it made me want to go back to some of his other books that i have read, especially norwegian wood.

at 6 30, when i was told that the husband was still not done and wouldnt be done for a while, something snapped inside of me. the long working hours and weekends spent at work have been on for a while. yes, there have been exceptions in between. but they were "exceptions" and not the rule, which is what they should be. and after waiting all day long, i think my bp suddenly shot up and went thru the roof. momentarily i returned to the unreasonable, irrational, tantrum-throwing person that i have been in the past. a past that i thought i have left behind.

i needed to cool off. so i did something i used to do back in the day when i was angry, frustrated and pissed off. i went for a nice long drive. listening to ridiculously loud music. yesterday, i drove down to the highway, through the goa university, which makes a nice long meandering drive in the dark with trees creeping up all around you. all the while, i listened to the love album at an insanely high volume. then i went for a swim all by myself. my first swim at the pool since the rains have come and gone. truly refreshing, truly calming, truly what i needed.

the evening ended in the company of my good friend, mr g&t. yes iv grown to love him. sirish and the husband were there too. and we chatted about things high and low. i was distracted and not myself, though. somehow when we left, i felt i might have come across to them both as foolish, if just for that evening. but i couldnt care. i needed ice cream. so off we went to get me a sitaphal ice cream fix at naturals.

the plan this weekend was to catch the social network and harry potter. the social network ran for just one blooming week, and has been replaced by some shit. so we thought we'd settle for harry potter instead, but i have discovered that inox is not functioning for the next 9-10 days. IFFI times are here. and inox has been hijacked for the entire duration for IFFI screenings. oh well, maybe there will be something worthy of watching there :S

heres to half a weekend well wasted.

on moving on

Nothing has stopped me from picking every opportunity to wax eloquent about how much I thank my lucky stars over and over for giving me a life in Goa. Iv done it on this blog, on the other blog, on facebook, in person and Iv done it till people have begged me to stop, and get over it already. I really cant help it though. Goa has been a truly special experience for me. Even now, so many months into our move here, several times a week, different instances, mundane and spectacular, make me pause and wonder about just how much my life has changed.

This move is something that will always be close to my heart. Something I will cherish forever. Because life as I know it, really began for here in Goa. It is here, that I discovered facets to myself that were hitherto hidden beneath many layers, waiting to be unravelled. I discovered a home-maker. I discovered an interest and love for cooking. I discovered a patient and collected person who has grown to love her solitude I had forgotten how to enjoy. I discovered the real joys of being married to someone you love. I realized how important together time is. I have made good friends from completely random people I have never known before -- a definite first-time for me. I have also discovered the absolute and almost unparalleled satisfaction of working on your own terms. This has also taught me how to straddle ones chores/responsibilities along with work. Life in Goa has allowed me to truly come into my own. Define myself, my individuality, my personality and see things as I want to.

Life in Goa has given me time, above all else. And an abundance of time does wonders for the soul. Iv had plenty of time. Time to choose what I do, how I do it, enjoy life at my own pace, spend days doing nothing if I please, spend days reading, watching television, painting even! I am always overcome by a feeling of wonder at how this has all fallen into place for us. I try, but I don’t have the words to thank the husband for his courage. To see what I see, to think for us both, to take the brave decisions we did, and to come out here and live the life we believe in.

Since March this year, I have basked in the luxury of enjoying this life. I could not think of a better time for this to have happened to me. But after much thought and deliberation, I have decided that perhaps its time to move on. And no, I don’t mean I will be giving up this way of life or leaving Goa. Slight alterations will be made. Reprogramming of life, so to speak. Rescheduling of the everyday routine. Im ready to give more of my time and energies. Into something more productive, more structured. Something that will give me definite returns – monetarily and satisfaction-wise. Its time to get busy. More updates soon..

waking up at the butt-crack-of-dawn

The husbands job often requires him to travel to Bombay. Most times, keeping the plight of his lonely scared-of-the-dark wife, hes back the same day, but sometimes he ends up staying the night. I must confess though, that although the first few times I stayed alone was a tad scary, Im now more than used to it.

The crux of the matter however is the going to Bombay almost always involves catching the early morning flight. And by “early” I mean REALLY early (by my standards). Wake up time happens at an ungodly 5 am. That in itself is not the problem. The situation is complex because the husband isn’t the kind of person who springs out of bed at the first ring of the alarm clock. Somehow the condition of being fast asleep seems to block his ears out to any kind of sound. Even an alarm ringing right in to his ear. Loud enough to wake me up, all the way across on the other side of the bed. To make matters worse, the husband is not the kind who swiftly and enthusiastically wakes up at first call. It takes almost 20 minutes of hitting snooze before he surfaces and finally gets out of bed.

To address the need to snooze for at least 20 minutes, and to be gently woken up as opposed to having an jarring alarm ringing in your head at 5 am, and to make sure he does wake up on time and never misses a flight, the husband has fixed himself a suitable, custom-adjustable alarm. It not only rings 20 minutes in advance, it also patiently snoozes once every 5 minutes, only to spring up dutifully and wake him up again. This suits the husband just fine, and he is more than happy to gently be woken up over a span of 20 minutes till his mind and body are accustomed to the idea of finally getting out of bed. Charming new alarm that he has for himself seems to be working wonders.

That new alarm would be me.

enough

2010, enough with the bad news already?
i dont think i can take any more news of death, pain and suffering. im all done for this year.

A, i hope this isnt what i think it is, and that you will come back and this will all just be over.

of things that have gone by without a mention

First off
After months of obsessing over her, her blog, her food (and other) photography, I randomly sent VC the flipkart link to her book. I must admit, I had no vested interest. I was just surprised to find it available on flipkart, and was sharing my surprise. 21 days later, one night past 10pm, when I was busy serving us some sitaphal ice cream, VC was busy unwrapping his latest courier delivery (which he slyly had delivered to the office). When I walked back into the living room, something bright and yellow lying in the magazine nook under the table, caught my eye. I thought I was seeing things. But I wasn’t. He bought me the book: The Pioneer Woman Cooks. Flipping through it now, I realize that not all of it is entirely doable sitting here in Panjim. It will take some effort to find sources for most ingredients, or even suitable substitutes, but I was over the moon with happiness. So I have a bit of the PW charm in my home now. And I cant wait to bring that charm into the kitchen. Thank you VC, this is why I love you :) Erm, and by "this", I mean your thoughtfulness!

Secondly
The sister who came down to Goa last week, did so completely unannounced. I love surprises and shamelessly drop hints all over the place. I don’t need reason to be surprised. I love being surprised out the blue, for no particular reason at all. And Niyu is probably the only person in my life who picks up on my shameless hints and acts on them. In the years gone by she has surprised me with very thoughtful gifts, birthday parties, cook outs, and last week once again she pulled it off by showing up at my doorstep. The build up is what made the surprise even better. For weeks she moped about how she is sick and tired of the rut that college has become and how she would love to come to Goa, even if just for the weekend. I told her she was always welcome of course, but in true Niyu style she waited till the very last minute to act on her need to come. Of course she didn’t get tickets, and called me dejected and disappointed, like this was the last opportunity EVER! What she didn’t tell me though, was that a few hours after disappointing herself and me, her travel agent had managed to get her tickets to leave that very night. And the sly thing that she is, got on a bus, brought herself to Panjim, all the while cribbing to me over sms about how unlucky she is. And pretty soon when the doorbell rang and I opened the door, there she was. Best thing that happened this month :)

Oh, and also
Iv had an intense craving to resume photography again. But jinxed I am. And that’s not just an excuse. First I stupidly decided to leave my camera behind, without realizing that we’d both be left without one. Then when we saved up enough to buy ourselves one, my smart smart husband decided to forego the kit lens to buy a wide angle lens in a few months. What he forgot to think through was compatibility issues. To cut a long story short, the lens we thought we’d be able to afford is not compatible with the D5000. So either we wait longer and save up more to buy ourselves a compatible lens, or we make do with a cheap one that wont auto focus. In the meantime Im trying to make do with the 50mm prime. Which isn’t such a bad deal. It’s a fantastic lens for food, faces and close ups. Brilliant bokeh, lovely soft hues with sharp focus. Except, the sharp focus bit depends on your ability to manually focus it. And if youre like me, half blind in one eye, its pretty much a hit or miss situation. But I persisted. Then I transferred my raw files on to my laptop. Turns out I cant install the plug in to edit them because I use pirated Photoshop. Jinxed, no??

And did I mention
I feel like Im calmer these days. More gathered. More myself. More alive. And the best part is I feel a sense of peace like I haven’t in a while. Like Im comfortable with myself, where I am and the way things have panned out. And it’s a really nice feeling. I mention this not because it was a fleeting feeling that came and went in a flash. I have felt this change increasingly starkly in the past few weeks, and I think at a deeper level, Iv changed somewhere.

There, now I feel like iv said everything I needed to.

trip-hoppin' my way around

i have an unpublished post about the incredibly varied kinds of music i have been tripping on in the recent weeks. but until i complete it and get down to posting it, heres a snippet of what im tripping on now.

recapping the weekend that was

the weekend began on thursday night. akshu, niyu, vc and i had a quiet drunken escapade that went well into the night. there was conversation, laughter, discussions about creativity, finding your passion, hindu-muslim rivalry, smoking vs not smoking and so much more than i cant even recollect because of the copious amounts of alcohol that we consumed. oh, and there was dessert at the marriot. that i cannot forget. i really wish i had a picture to capture the evening, because it really was the reunion that hasnt happened in years now. akshu has silently grown up over the years (i know this sounds like an aunty-statement, but for someone who has vivid memories of him in his diapers and a face full of drool, its overwhelming to be sitting across a table, sharing grown up conversation over drinks with him) and niyu is alays more cut away in bombay, than i would like things to be. so coming together is good. coming together is special. and when theres alcohol to go with it, whos complaining?

before i begin to sound alcoholic (if i dont already!) i must quickly say that i woke up with a touch of a hangover and decided to abstain from alcohol for the next..erm..6 hours at least. the hangover didnt deter the spirit. akshu, niyu and i drove down to anjuna. there, much to my horror, curlies was the only shack open. the sun shone high, the waves crashed upon the shore and a neat row of sun beds were snugly covered with foreigners of various shapes, sizes and states of undress. us indians were asked to pay for the sun beds. fuck you, curlies. the next time i will go back to shiva valley, where the shack boys smile, recommend what you should try and bring you the freshest watermelon juice.

so of course there was the regular order of watermelon juice, kingfisher beer and butter-garlic calamari. juice for me, to refresh my soul. and the beer for the kids, whose capacity for alcohol knocks my pants off.

the rest of the afternoon was spent swimming, which i have realized i love to do. theres very few things that can compare with the feeling of floating lifelessly and letting the waves take you along. literally relax, let go and float along. and theres very few places you can do that without feeling unsafe. anjuna is one of those places. when i wasnt swimming, i was reading. i have so much reading to catch up on its not funny.

i also caught niyu in one of her usual contemplative moods.

its the sea, i tell you. theres something about it. and the two of us have a special connection with the sea, the sand, the sun, the beach. an affinity i cant fathom, so i cant explain. the sea transforms me into a placid, happy creature.

of course there was a lot of eye candy to be seen, but not touched. interesting people worth observing. and sights to be soaked up and taken in.



friday night was dinner at home. with the fast becoming regular feature: g&t of course. one too many, perhaps. but interesting company and conversation flowed. kheema and pav for dinner, even though sirish and vc did such a good job of weeding out the peas from their plates and dumping them in mine. and there was even goan home-brewed choco-mint liqueur to be had after dinner. i was beyond satisfied.

saturday came sooner than anticipated. and the husband went off to work. but did that stop niyu and me? no. off we went. on sirish's recommendation, we went way north. to a place iv never been. iv never driven that far out. it was a long and beautiful drive. but boy was it worth it!


after the hectic scene at the "touristy" beaches of north goa, arambol was a welcome change. one lonely shack perched in a corner of the widest, quietest and longest beaches i have seen in goa, was where we chose to settle. there was a friendly nepali waiter who brought us cold coffees, fish fingers and fries. there were fit hippies doing yoga, hot greek men and women, beautiful fish, refreshingly powerful yet gentle waves to engulf you, and the best part: an overcast sky. being on a beach when the sun is hidden behind a canopy of thick cloud cover is the most amazing feeling. the heat isnt oppressive, the light isnt blinding, the light all around is warm and fuzzy and it makes swimming an absolute joy.




there was some beer. some wandering around watching pretty fish, crab art and the best part of it all: i made a come back of sorts. its been months, probably more than a year since i looked through a viewfinder. took a few photographs and enjoyed it. i guess it has everything to do with having a camera all to yourself. having company thats interested in doing the same things and a peaceful beautiful day lying in front of you.




some portraits had to happen of course. beach trips must be exploited for the amazing 4pm sunlight they bring.


leaving wasnt easy. when youre over-relaxed, that tends to happen. the feet dont move. the head doesnt want to lift itself and the eyes dont want to look up and face the road going home.

just when i thought this was the perfect way to go into a peaceful sunday, ravi sent us an sms about a bbq party at his place on sunday afternoon. going empty handed would be foolish. so acting quickly, niyu and i whipped up a makeshift tandoori marinade and stuck a whole lot of chicken in it. vc armed himself with a crate of beer. since this was our first time at tandoori, i slept with my fingers crossed.

sunday was gorgeous. just enough sunlight to need shades and feel warm. but a sky filled with grey clouds and a gentle breeze.

the bbq was set up. and there was fish wrapped in banana leaves, chicken cafreal, my tandoori, two other kinds of chicken, prawn in parsley and garlic, paneer, tomato and feta cheese salad..and of course a ton of beer.



then it began to rain.


and instead of running for cover, we decided to dance. and stay out in the rain as much as possible.


what followed was complete debauchery, as the whole lot of us (rain-soaked and drenched to our bloody bones) jumped into (or got pushed into..whichever way you'd like to look at it) the swimming pool. with good food, beer, rain, music and a swimming pool, the sunday afternoon couldnt have been much more fun. no pictures of the last very wet bit, unfortunately.

we went home drenched of course. but with a buzz in the head. a weedy high hanging over us. and the satisfaction of a sunday well spent.

but. it. wasnt. over. yet. not for us.
ditched by various others who claimed they would join in because they were either busy being/feeling old, or coining up new excuses to squirm out of the invite, niyu, vivek and i drove down to soul souffle. because they make heavenly mojitos. and had them we did. soul souffle has what can definitely be called the best continental food iv had in all my months sent in goa. great ambience, nice setting in the middle of virtually nowhere, yummy mojitos, good food, amazing caramel custard. oh, yes, self timed photography too..


good fun, wouldnt you say??

photo credits: niyu upadhya, myself (via the new camera and the useless phone) and sirish.

im sitting on a cornflake

i want to smoke whatever it is theyre on!

damn you, bloggers block

so much has happened, so much experienced, so much felt, so much to say. yet somehow the words just dont seem to want to find their way out. the words arent making it out of the recesses of my mind and they just arent flowing like i would like them to.

perhaps its because i have been busy in the last 10 days or so.
perhaps its because i have had barely any time to myself.
perhaps its because i havent had the time to even soak in and digest all the events of the past week.

writing about my life, recording events and feelings takes some repose. it is something i can do when i sit back and look on things that have passed. so now that the din has died and the house is empty again, maybe its time to mull over all thats dotted my life this past week.

turn off your mind, relax, float downstream..

perhaps the earliest exposure i had to "english" music was the music of the beatles. iv always associated the beatles with lazy scrambled-eggs-on-toast sunday mornings, when my dad would play the beatles on our tape deck. and my mom would sing along as she made us akoori or sunny side up eggs. i was singing the songs of the beatles long before i cold articulate my thoughts straight, let alone know what i was singing. i knew the words enough to sing along with octopus' garden and o bla di o bla da quite effortlessly. the beatles tapes also made it on our intercity drives, so memories of various trips are now embedded in my mind, interlinked with so many songs that i have grown up listening to.

the beatles will never die. never go away.


but today, i turned all my happy go lucky cheery beatles memories upside down. i discovered LOVE. its one long mash-up, sinister happy high tripped out. and its sent me on a trip im not coming back from for a while to come. its given whole new meaning to enjoying the music of the beatles. its got musical nuances and beats i have never noticed in their music before. its one neverending loop of some amazing music, lyrics and memories that come flooding back.

its got some madass drum work and some trippy bits between each song and variations on songs like get back and im the walrus and lady madonna, like iv never experienced before. this has changed what the beatles mean to me. this has brought unending amounts of joy to me today. that i had niyu to madly jig along with, and to understand every little nuance that i picked up on and enjoy together makes it even better. nobody gets it like she does. i think we scared a few people in panjim as we listened to the album while driving around, literally possessed by some beatles fever.

so lying in bed, a cup of chocolate mousse in hand, LOVE blaring in my earphones, outdoing the bloggers block: this is the life.

stuck

so much has happened, theres so much to say,
someone please make this bloggers block go away.

i used to care, but things have changed

my life is dotted with song cycles. i dont move with the times. i listen to old stuff and new, but there is very rarely a linear movement when it comes to the music im appreciating at any point in time.

sometimes i think im born in the wrong era. just about 20 years too late. i feel this most when i go back into my led zeppelin cycles. or pink floyd comes back to haunt me. or when the beatles give me joy that is unparalleled. bob dylan is another one of those keeps-coming-back-to-me kind of artists. i have been tripping on this one for the last day or two. theres something so powerful and declarative about this song. it makes me want to be a man, just so i can make definitive statements like "i used to care, but things have changed", just the way uncle bob does.

signs of ageing 101

in continuation with thursday night, the gin and tonic revelry continued last night too. here i am on a saturday morning with a mother of a headache, my limbs are numb and my muscles feel like they need a good nice long soak in some hot water.

moral of the story: im not 19-20 any more. and i cant handle that much alcohol, 2 nights in a row. boohoo. sob. sigh.

of sibling drunkenness

last night, akshat, niyu, vc and i got drunk. its probably a first time that it has happened for this bunch of people together. because we hardly get together all at once anymore. everyone has their own lives and schedules happening, everyones grown up in their own way and moved on. and to me, niyu and akshu are still my baby sister and first cousin brother, so i havent had the opportunity to let loose and get FRIKKIN DRUNK in their faces.

but yesterday was a first. and it was gooooood :P
there was much alcohol. no dinner. just snackies. and once certain levels of alcohol had been consumed, there was lots of laughter, incomplete sentences, heated debates on various things, sentimental exchanges, and of course niyus camera was low on battery so we dont have a photograph to mark the momentous night.

but that was not all, once we were done wining and dining, we drunk drove ourselves to the marriot, stuffed our faces on overpriced dessert, that i had the pleasure of paying for. and this is the best family fun iv had in a while.

a moment to be noted

so president obama and his wife michelle visited bombay. their agenda included a visit to mani bhavan, which happens to be in the lane parallel to my grannys house. my sister, who lives with my granny, has been stuck to her bedroom window (which overlooks the main road) all day. shes befriended the cops outside her window, and watched the madness that has unveiled on the streets. the entire neighbourhood got washed clean. hawkers from the pavement for the boot. signboards and billboards were washed clean with soap and water. for the past 3 days, the view outside her window was pristine and very unlike bombay.

finally, after many hours of waiting, when obamas convoy of a bazillion cars drove by, my sister saw a limousine for the very first time in her whole life. when he finished and was driving back, everyone cheered, clapped and waved. she was lucky to be amongst the crowds that got a glimpse of the president himself as he waved back!

its the next best thing to be..

..to be freeeee, as a bird..

shitfaced

in other news, i seem to have got this "use me" sign thats attached itself on to me somewhere along the way. it seems it is visible only to others, and not to me. i need to get rid of it. pronto.

any ideas how?

Of supposed festivities, Diwali and ladoos..

We’re on the eve of Diwali. But a strange apathy has taken over. I’m feeling most unfestive (I know its not a word, but it best described what I feel). Ganesh Chaturti and Dussehra came and went, and I was most unmotivated to do anything remotely festive. I think it’s a combination of my agnostic attitude and the husbands cluelessness to all things religious. Even back in Bangalore, I was never overly into customs, traditions and rituals. I never bothered to really absorb and learn the various traditions. I was always a part of it, but never took the initiative to do stuff. Festivities were more about family and food for me, very honestly. Food and goodies got made, people got together and good times were had. Year after year after year. So, trapped out on the middle of Panjim, with just me and myself (and sometimes the husband) for company, it’s a bit hard to generate the same festive spirit. The husband expressed this morning how so un-Diwali-like it feels. And in my heart I echoed the same feelings.

As if it isn’t complicated enough keeping track of the intricacies of South Indian festivities, ie the 2-3 days of Diwali, what happens on each day, etc etc, it seems the North Indian side that I have married into has a whole different Diwali Agenda. Today is supposedly DhanTeras: a sub-celebration of Diwali completely alien/new to me. But I hate to differentiate, so I think if I have decided to try and celebrate Diwali, Im going to try and do a bit of what both sides expect of me. Its only fair, no?

So turns out I must light lamps tonight, dress up in festive splendour and generally have a good time. But to make things even more fun, the husband is out on a business trip and wont be back until tomorrow. Funny pictures are being conjured in my head, thinking of me all dressed up (something I have never done since we moved here), lamps lit, Diwali mood “on”, and all alone. Something tells me theres no point of celebrating alone, is there? So after I do my bit at home, I might just end up going temple hopping with Karishma and her family, which I think will be fun. Its something I haven’t done in a long, long time.

To up the Diwali spirit a bit, Im going to try my hand at making ladoos. Its what my mom would do back home and its the least I can do, in addition to llighting lamps at home, to make me feel like I am in the midst of some Diwali happenings! So watch out for an update on the food blog. Happy Diwali ya’ll! I hope its big and bright and full of family, food and fun – just the way I’d like my Diwali to be.

live like theres no tomorrow

Iv lived by the philosophy of trying to live in the moment. And that includes trying to make the most of every opportunity, maximizing on every once-in-a-lifetime-chance and also trying not to have regrets in life. That’s probably the only way you can explain having switched schools just 1.5 years away from my board exams, joining an “alternate school” where everything was done against the norm, taking a year off after std 10, carefully choosing schools based on my need to pursue fine art, deciding half way through that it wasn’t my thing and switching streams completely, choosing to work over higher studies, getting married at 24 when I was so sure I wanted time to myself, an impromptu trip to South Africa, an expensive helicopter ride over the table mountain, and so much more.. I emphasize the word “trying”; because I may not/have not always succeed/succeeded. But Iv learnt over time, that regardless of how things turned out, the important thing is to always try and make the most of every opportunity that comes your way.

So when Disguise asked me where I would like to go, if I could turn back time, I answered “between the ages of 19-23”, almost immediately. The nostalgic trip that The Script has put me in took me back in time. To when I started working, and tasted the first shreds of independence and liberation. To the long nights I worked in the agency I started off. To the drinks and dinner with colleagues. To random Chinese food meals and road trips with Akshay. Days and nights rolling into one and I thought to myself, everything was so carefree. I really didn’t have too many worries, beyond reaching work on time, making enough money to spend on the good shit, saving enough at the end of the month, ensuring my folks knew what I was up to (well, sort of!).

Life is a constant tussle with time. When I was in school I couldn’t wait to get to college, for the belief that it was cooler more grown up and would bring with it certain privileges of adult life. When I got into college, I hated every living moment of my academic life within the environs of that so called “Temple of Knowledge” (Demble of Know-leddge, for those in the know). I wanted those 3 years of my Bachelors to just END. I wished I could fast forward into the future and see what lies ahead. I wanted to work. I wanted to be independent. I wanted to earn my own money to buy the stuff I wanted. To go out. To travel. To feel useful again.

When I started working I loved every moment of it. The heady feeling of being economically liberated brought with it a new found confidence, sense of worth and accomplishment. It was tough and competitive, but this was the rat race, and it had just begun. It was all about the money. My ultimate goal in life was to be able to afford to "good stuff", and never have to deny myself any materialistic pleasure I desired.

Four and a half years down and many jobs and many months' salary later, I realize how everything has changed. Money earned and saved is not just to buy the good stuff anymore. I realized that my carefree self was probably the naive and inexperienced self. Sure I was at my carefree best between the ages of 19-23, but I was also not fully exposed to life as I know it now. Life was ridiculously simple then. The most complex problems I faced were probably boyfriend troubles! Today, however it is a complex web of so many realities, with far more serious consequences. Back then, all I had to do was make the most of every moment and every opportunity that I got. Some things have changed now. Priorities, perhaps. Or aims and dreams in life. A vision for where i see myself/us. Call it what you want, there is a certain focus and direction to live. However, I still try and live for the moment. Yet, theres a whole lot of strings attached to life now, always trying to tie me (and us – the husband too) down. Obligations, family, money, a “future”, being responsible. And everyday I have to remind myself that we only live once. That this moment, in this very day is never coming back.

I think Im at my happiest best right now. And by "happy" I dont just mean the emotion of feeling happy, I mean the satisfaction that comes from living life and the feeling of peace and contentment. The feeling of not wanting to change much, even in their utterly imperfect state. I dont want to go back in time to a carefree-er place and age. And I dont feel the need to fast forward into the future either.

the world. its really shrinking.

you know that feeling you get when you meet someone who knows someone else you know? when friends' circles collide? that feeling like the world is shrinking and everyone knows everyone else?

when that begins to happen in your blog circles, its way more overwhelming. i know, it shouldnt be, because the internet is a vast black hole, waiting to engulf anyone who is willing to set himself/herself free. but every time i see some random connections on fb or discover that a blogger i am familiar with also frequents other blogs i frequent, i get that same feeling all over again.