sometimes i drift into auto-pilot

i think im on some sort of auto-pilot trip just now. its got to stop. i feel like im tumbling through the days with nothing to hold on to. i need to get a grip. things are just happening and im just playing on, without really feeling or enjoying much.

sometimes comfrontation puts my mind in a tizzy. sometimes its like raking out the weeds from a beautiful bed of flowers. once out the weeds have to be thrown out far away so they wont creep back. sometimes i feel like i need to clean out my mind and sort out everything thats going on in there, before i begin to feel the way i am now. sometimes i feel like i need to clear out the cobwebs and fill my mind with love and fresh happiness. sometimes i feel like i need to start living a real active life again and not just succumbing to the mundane occurences around me. sometimes i feel this nagging itch in the back of my mind, and it speaks 'exams', but its fuzzy and i cant quite put a finger on it, but it also speaks impending doom. sometimes i also know im making too much of it, because i know i can get by rather well with just a little effort. sometimes i feel like too many things are happening parallely, overlapping each other and i cant control it all. sometimes thoughts crash into each other in my little crowded ming and smother me. sometimes i feel this terrible mental asphyxiation.

sometimes i have this desperate need of snapping out of this limbo-ish mode. sometimes i feel like i need to take charge and sort this uneasyness out. sometimes not knowing really whats making you feel unsettled is ever more unsettling than being unsettled itself. sometimes i can control the way i feel and sometimes im lazy about doing something about it. sometimes i feel its too much for me to take and sometimes i just want to pretend its going to sort itself out.

i havent been actively in tune with myself too much this past week, sometimes i need to be there for myself. sometimes i hate being in auto-pilot, because sometimes i just want to fly.