Friday, May 19, 2006

sometimes i drift into auto-pilot

i think im on some sort of auto-pilot trip just now. its got to stop. i feel like im tumbling through the days with nothing to hold on to. i need to get a grip. things are just happening and im just playing on, without really feeling or enjoying much.

sometimes comfrontation puts my mind in a tizzy. sometimes its like raking out the weeds from a beautiful bed of flowers. once out the weeds have to be thrown out far away so they wont creep back. sometimes i feel like i need to clean out my mind and sort out everything thats going on in there, before i begin to feel the way i am now. sometimes i feel like i need to clear out the cobwebs and fill my mind with love and fresh happiness. sometimes i feel like i need to start living a real active life again and not just succumbing to the mundane occurences around me. sometimes i feel this nagging itch in the back of my mind, and it speaks 'exams', but its fuzzy and i cant quite put a finger on it, but it also speaks impending doom. sometimes i also know im making too much of it, because i know i can get by rather well with just a little effort. sometimes i feel like too many things are happening parallely, overlapping each other and i cant control it all. sometimes thoughts crash into each other in my little crowded ming and smother me. sometimes i feel this terrible mental asphyxiation.

sometimes i have this desperate need of snapping out of this limbo-ish mode. sometimes i feel like i need to take charge and sort this uneasyness out. sometimes not knowing really whats making you feel unsettled is ever more unsettling than being unsettled itself. sometimes i can control the way i feel and sometimes im lazy about doing something about it. sometimes i feel its too much for me to take and sometimes i just want to pretend its going to sort itself out.

i havent been actively in tune with myself too much this past week, sometimes i need to be there for myself. sometimes i hate being in auto-pilot, because sometimes i just want to fly.

4 comments:

Quietly Amused said...

sometimes the only way out of introspection is to introspect more...

Dr. Pissed said...

sometimes you just need to stop whatever your doing and realize your going to HAVE to study for them exams, no matter how much you like denying the fact.

heh
Good luck for them exams man!

haathi said...

duietly amused: hmmm im pondering over that one. introspect somemore..

dr pissed: id be able to do that a lot easier if i wasnt on a LOOONG, blissed out, 3 month summer vacation just before these wretched exams, and if i cared about them, a little more.

thanks anyway!

suntikoppaandai said...

exams are the shite of life. so motherfuckerloudekebalsonofagunbastardbenchoothfied they are.

btw my blog is starting to irritate me.