rained down on me again

its been raining everyday, every evening. it poured today. and instantly took me into beatles land. theres something about the beatles, the after-the-rain clear air, and the calm and bliss after the storm, like its rained out all the stuffyness out of the air. i like feeling calm, staring out of the window. suddenly the rain changed direction and came straight at me and i was drenched before i could shut the window fully. i turned on my beatles cd. dont let me down is a rain song for me. painfully soulful and like its raining down on me.

sometimes just doing nothing in particular, but soaking the moment and the togetherness it brings is the ultimate joy. theres strength in silent togetherness. id give up a million years of so called happiness for moments like this, when everything is in sync and my little world, my universe and all my ruling planets are aligned and nothing can come in between me and the joy. sometimes just one day of extremely mentally exhausting work, be it trying to study or haggling with my parents or coordinating things, or being aware and conscious of who needs what around home, leaves my head cluttered and i get flustered and tired by the end of it. i want to give up and run away and i feel hopeless and lonely. yesterday was like that. and today it rained and suddenly the calm is back. i feel like everything is in order again.

i love pablo neruda. if anyone wants to buy me a surprise gift, im declaring here that i wish to own a copy of his work 'twenty love poems and a song of despair'. he writes incredibly honest and deeply touching poetry, which is a direct window into his extremely private emotions and struggles and its very rare that iv felt for a love poem so strongly, like an instant feel, like it made complete sense to me personally. love poems are always 'nice', 'sweet', 'beautiful', 'touching'..but few leave an impression like neruda can. its a fresh look at love, addressing the not so cliched comparisons and feelings, sometimes coming to terms with the unfathomable world that love takes him to. he speaks of love and what it ought to be, what it turns out to be, and often what it leaves one feeling. most of all its intensely loaded with emotion and in a very tangible and reachable sort of way..

it was perfect. the rain, the poetry, the beatles, the perfection. snapshot moment. one i will capture and keep with me for a long time to come. i love the rain a lot of the time.

heres some neruda, from a poem i love.

Sonnet XVII - Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose,
or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when,
or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my
hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.