Thursday, May 25, 2006

frenzy

the past 3 days has been an absolute frenzy, of cramming, travelling to college, giving exams, hurrying so you can getthefuckoutofthere, travelling back home, studying again...and it repeated over 2 days.

i hate exams. im super super tired.

in other developments, iv lost inspiration. i have nothing to say, its like my mind draws a blank, but actually its not quite a blank. so many thoughts, so many questions, and nothing finds its way out, just whizzing around in my brains like bubbles in champagne, and everything is weird and unanswered. and everything is a tizzy, whizzing by and rushing from one thing to another. and somewhere on the way, i think i lost the will to hope and dream also. maybe its just a passing phase. i hope.

varied emotions, tears smiles laughter tension bliss contentment satisfaction urgency sleepyness fatigue energy lazyness carefreeness uptight anxious worry frustrated worthlessnes.. and im still surviving it.

at least i can confidently say im surviving it, because i have lots of other things going for me. not like the host of kids that committed suicide over results. its just bloody depressing. i cant begin to imagine what it must feel like at that moment, feeling absolutely alone and like theres not a single shred of hope or glimmer of love and understanding that can pull one out of that dismal dingy trap of failure. all that and the complete farce of an exam that im giving, which is evidently dumbed down and simplified for us last-batch-of-the-annual-scheme losers because everyone is so obsessed with the new-found love for the semester system that they dont care how we do or what we do in our exams, as long as we pass and getthefuckoutofthesystem, and dont come back with supplys to write..makes me wonder why the fuck we are so exam-crazy. at the end of the day does it really count for anything at all..

2 down, 4 to go and im counting days. in a lot less than a week, il be out there on wednesday night, not wanting to go home, because i would have seen the end of all the psychology, sociology and english literature in my life, for a long time to come..

7 comments:

akshay said...

all you need is some canine attention.

haathi said...

wtf, canine attention aa?! now im too scared to ask what that might mean..

Manu said...

exams are for the masses. if u had a quarter billion kids, and you had to judge their intellectual capabilities, what would you do? conduct yejjam wonly.

haathi said...

you think exams test intellectual capability aa?! sure..thats why i dont do well i guess..because i understand and comprehend stuff, but i cant mug and reproduce stuff for beans..

its a bloody hoax.

Quietly Amused said...

hate to burst the bubble that's forming but don't you think that psychology and sociology at some level is unavoidable in life and english literature shouldn't be avoided...

Manu said...

no ra but its the best the goarnament can do.. u cant have any other system thats affordable and applicable at such a large scale.

haathi said...

quietly amused: the way i study for exams and the way i give them, has nothing to do with the real life application of any of those subjects! life isnt an exam..hehe