death and grief

iv said this before, and im going to say it again: there is something deafeningly final about the way death hits those who are left behind. the irreversible truth of it all, however, sometimes takes time to sink in.

i lost a dear uncle last week. and yes, i was shocked. yes, i was sad. yes, a part of me grieved, shed tears and really felt for my aunt and cousin sisters. but the bitter truth of this fact, that he is indeed no more, has only hit me today. now. as i read a chain of emails exchanged by the family through his state of illness. and the sorrow and grief i feel now is deeper than when i first heard the news.

i will miss his smiling face at every family get together. his ability to make a joke out of everything. his quirky sense of humor. his amazing ability to break into song and render the nicest mohd rafi and burman numbers.

murli mama, you will be missed.

death is part of life. its supposedly the most natural part of life. yet, we're almost always taken by surprise, and nothing and nobody can every "prepare" us for this eventuality. 2010 has been a devastating year for me, in this regard. 2010 began with my first upclose encounter with death. when my grand dad passed away, it was like my life forced me to face it and deal with it. and i dont think i have still internalized and accepted it. iv lost an unusually high number of family members through the year, and heard and been a part of the news of a lot more people dying, of strange and natural causes.

and yet, nothing ever makes it normal or bearable.