another winters day, has come and gone away..and i wanna go home

in a casual comment yesterday i just flippantly announced that i was "going home to stay the night". problem was, i was referring to my mothers home, the former home, the older home, the home that was. but to me, that will and always be the original home..probably the only place i can ever truly call "home".

i say problem, because fil indignantly asked me if this (current home) was not my home too. i was a little taken aback, because my comment hadnt intended to mean that it wasnt. and i hadnt put down my new home in any way. still, i guess there was reason to clarify. so i was asked, and i retorted.."i mean the other home"..

it got me thinking, and i guess the word home to me, means a place where i can be myself. and at abhiram, i REALLY can. i can walk around in my shorts, i can speak, i can have conversation with my folks about real things, i can voice my opinion freely, even if theyre vastly different from their own, i can be the person i am and stand my own, i can lounge around as i please, i can say and be the way i want, and when we disagree, i can argue my way out and know that my opinions/feelings will be respected for my own, and not put down as inferior or invalid. most of all, if we disagree, i know that i can shut myself out if i please, and know that nobody will hold it against me. i can feel the way i want to freely. if mom and i argue, i can do it freely, no strings attached. argue, have it out, and be back to normal pretty soon. i know i can take her for "granted" like we take our moms for granted. and i know i can depend on and molly coddle and get my way with dad, the way us daughters can. and the point is i can do all of this without feeling guilty, or being judged for being a certain way.

and thats what makes home, home.

and it is for that reason that my original home, my first home, will always be the real home in my mind. and it will probably will be the only home i will ever know.