random ramblings to mark the 3rd day of the new year

it seems that the next logical step after marriage IS (and no, it cant be anything else) to produce offspring. or so im told. its ll iv heard in the last 2 days. including from my gynecologist, who i was hoping would have another more realistic, rational opinion to put my mind at rest.

before you jump to any conclusions, no im not pregnant. im just one of those people that has no desire to be. i mean, i seem to have zero maternal instincts. i have no romantic feelings of having my own child, bringing it up, seeing my own flesh and blood grow and become an adult or feel the "satisfaction" one is supposed to feel when one gives birth. i dont know why, but i dont get starry eyed and goo-goo over it.

yes, there was a time in life when i secretly named my babies in my head. aisha if it was a girl and samir if it was a boy. but that was all hypothetical. imaginary. never with the slightest hope that it would all someday happen, or come true, or unravel real life! (i had a way of being silly in my head like that)

so anyway..im slightly disappointed at the number of people who think its just "the next thing to do", once you're married. whatever happened to discovering a career? traveling? living a life with your spouse? learning to cook? learning to support yourself and your spouse before bringing another life into the world? being ready to be a parent? figuring out what an upbringing is? living the life of your own, before being burdened with a child. i mean, come on. sure some people think its ultimately infinitely satisfying and dont wish for more, but heck, it does change your life, whether you accept it or not. so hmm, therefore...for many reasons im not ready.

most importantly, because i dont think its something i should do just because biology allows me to. or because im not that much closer, given that im married. or because i can safely legally do it now. or because 24 is the best age to do it.

you're 24. have a baby. (id rather watch other babies, for short spans of time)
you're healthy. have a baby. (i like being healthy, and i dont stay fit so i can get pregnant)
you have hormonal issues. have a baby. it'll settle. (no thanks!)
you're young. finish it off, you'll be free. (HELLO! its not some chore to get out of the way)

so yeah. its been a funny day. everybody says "have a baby". doesnt anybody else see it as a mammoth decision? not one that can just be done and finished with. doesnt anybody else see it as much as an emotional and mental and psychological thing, more than just a physical activity that one has to go through once in life. blessed that we are, with the capacity to bear children. i find it so fucking ridiculous how some people can think.

one humble small corner of my mind sometimes makes me think, maybe im wrong. and that in time my views will change too. but that part is small right now :) close to non existent.

anyhoo, back to being good ol me..doing the things i love to do.
- coconut coolers
- prawn terminator
- hanging with niyu, vc, priya, james
- laughing till i pee
- ice cream
- writing
- fotu-taking
- bittersweet (kanye west..its the new song on repeat)

funny thing is, i dont see myself as the kind of person who will ever be emotionally, mentally ready to have a baby. and nobody gets it. but thats okay i guess.