Saturday, January 27, 2007

wasted

one whole day of my long weekend has passed me by. looks like today is going to just slip away also. i had a list of things to do. iv done none of it.

for so many days now, iv looked forward to this long weekend. waited eagerly and anticipated and imagined all the things id be able to finally do. because now i have the time. three long days to spend just as i please. but somehow now i wish i was at work again. because i have done nothing that i wanted to. and im not going to be able to do anything i want to.

its not often that i get 3 days off to be and do the things i dont get to do during the week. shop, wander around the streets of Bangalore, shop at my leisure, meet friends i havent met in a while, watch an afternoon show of happy feet, stay over with a friend, catch a whole bunch of movies..

and now i feel guilty for wanting to do that stuff. nothings worse than being made to feel like what you want is a crime. fair enough i shouldnt be thinking about myself so much. but i want to. i want to. even if its slightly unreasonable. i wish i could just be free. in my mind.

im sick of waiting around for people who are always late. im sick of stupid meaningless arguements. im sick of being told whats responsible and whats right. im sick of wasted time. im sick of trying to "be" the right person i never will be. im sick of putting my life on hold.

here's to the worst weekend ever. everybody else is living it up. i should have just gone away when the idea occured to me. made the most of my weekend. if i dont do the things i dream and imagine i want to do now, when will i ever get this chance again? i have this horrible feeling time is slipping me by. pretty soon im going to be back at college. deep down its really messing me up. there's so much i want to and just trying to live the life thats expected of a certain individual does not always allow that. i want to travel. i want to feel things i have never felt before. i want to live alone. i want to go out. i want to waste time. i want to sit at a coffee shop for six hours without reason. yes i do. so what? i want to spend time with the friends i never had. i want to be free. i want to not have a reason for everything i do. i want to feel like i know what its like to be happy, free, at peace, and not jaded. now its just too fucking late.

3 comments:

Ajeya said...

whoever told you you need a reason for everything you do???!?! it's people like this who bring dishonour to our race i tell you. but if it means anything, i'd say fuck it... do what you want man. later you see a lot of the barriers are self-imposed (or expected?)

Anonymous said...

nice pic ra! except for the big gugu face blocking the view.

haathi said...

goofy is that you??