i just watched...

and loved it. happy, sad, sweet, climax, anti climax.. i laughed and cried and got confused and everything :) but its a fun movie.

temple flowers

"wevu's tree of mangoes..i mean love."

lal bagh, bangalore

august 2007

people are strange

sometimes those you consider friends, dont feel the same way about you. its weird.
people are strange. and sometimes things happen that make you sit up and wonder why you sometimes do the things you do.. and you answer your own question with a "becuase it makes me happy. i do it for my happiness. i expect nothing in return."

but really, does it make you happy to see people behave strangely??

not-so-sensitive am i?

i think the "sensitive" side of me is non existent. i dont know what it is.

i just watched this most disturbing and nerve wreckingly shaking up and eye-opening peta video. animals mutilated, treated horribly, living the most degrading lives in meat and poultry farms and eventually killed in the most horrendous fashion, unbelievably gory and just so shockingly inhumane (if thats a word) ways..

iv heard the video is fake. but i believe its true. its looks too real to be fake. and i dont believe it cannot happen. its shaken me up. and yet not enough to just want to quit eating meat. i just cant get myself to so it. and im wondering why.

its true, i think that "sensitive" side of me is dead. its disgusting me.

chase and cry

song 64 on my phone.
chasing cars.
go to track 64.
and cry.

i dont know if its the feverish feeling and the non stop cough. or the 6 o clock sunset gloom. or the dark and lonely home that surrounds me just now. or the darkness thats creeping inside of me. or the need to sleep. or the calm before the chaos. or the unsatiated need for chai and momos.

"its been a while..but all that sh*t seems to disappear when im with you"

all the colourful days...

...are coming around again

we been so long waiting
for the all time high
we got a damn good reason
to put your troubles aside
and all your winter sorrows hang them out to dry
throw it away
gotta throw it away
all the colorful days my friend
are coming around again

i got someone waiting for me
its been so long since we met
and i may not be your salvation but il offer nonetheless
and if like me you wanna take that chance
its coming around again

why is it..

..that a woman tolerates hurt silently? and a man is so quick to state what hurt him?
..that a woman can show her attachment easily? and a man chooses to seem detached?
..that a woman can learn to be tuned out like a man does? but a man cannot learn to share like women do?
..that a woman will give endlessly till she cant anymore? and a man can never fully understand that?
..that women learn tact and endurance? and men can just be themselves, no matter how absured it may seem?
..that women never learn? and men just never change?

over the past week, iv learned that women are softer for a reason. malleable, vulnerable and easy to push, punch, squeeze, pinch, and yet know they'll be alright and endure for a long long time. its needed. the world demands it of women. they're made that way for a reason.

we're ruled by the right side of our brains to complement our counter parts who are controlled by the left side of their brains. bloody genetics. and psychology.

ear pop

one of the BESTEST feelings ever is when a blocked ear finally feels like its about to open...and then it does. with a pop.

and everything is that much louder and clearer.

hallelujah.

tired and frustrated

• home to airport 45 minutes
• check in and chai 15 minutes
• chat with pooja 30 minutes
• boarding - waiting to takeoff 50 minutes
• takeoff - banglore 80 minutes
• circling in the sky 30 minutes
• landing and taxi 10 minutes
• queue in loo and baggage claim 20 minutes
• waiting for taxi in rain 15 minutes
• taxi drive home 75 minutes

for the first time ever despite having boarded a flight that caimed to be on time, i was in the air for a good 2.5 hours on a bombay-bangalore flight and eventually reached bangalore a good 1 hour late. 7th in queue to take off at bombay and 6th in queue to land in bangalore. traffic jams in the skies also i guess.. and the whole time we were aimlessly circling the skies over bangalore, the stupid information on my swanky little tv screen kept switching between 12 and 13 minutes to landing. the cheats.

the food sucked on kingfisher. they've FINALLY changed whats on the menu, so i was all whoppeee, until i saw what it looked and tasted like. 2 dry pieces of malai kabab; one crumbly bun with a blob of tomato puree, sauteed onions and cheese in the centre; and this ridiculous thing they called potato and corn "chaat" which was so ridiculously spicy and hot (i mean temperature wise) for chaat, that i couldnt have it. and dessert was this thing with fancy name i cant remember, which was actually extra fluffy cream on a marie biscuit with a blob of blueberry goop on top. and then i needed to pee. they made their landing announcement and said fasten seatbelts and stay in your seats and blahblah.. so i sat there, while the tv fooled me for about half an hour. and then i got off in the rain and walked in the rain to the terminal..and rushed to the loo, only to find that theres all of THREE stalls in the ladies room, for the whole arrival terminal. brilliant! so there was this long meandering queue there as well..with all kinds of varied and assorted women of all ages, castes, religions and nationalities. by the time my turn came i decided to close my eyes, nose and mouth to make the job short and painless, without any side/aftereffects..

and then the drive back was one big traffic jam all the way home.

i knew i should've stayed an extra day.

full circle

bombay. tons of memories. mixed feelings. twists and turns in life. times spent. memories held. friends made.

iv been here 5 days. i leave today. and for the first time in years, i dont want to go back. coming to bombay is like going back in time for me. it takes me back and brings back a flood of mixed memories from all kinds of times. spending endlessly long summer days and entire holidays here. with or without amma. 2 whole months. we'd come when holidays began and go back just before school started. before niyu was born i would do it all alone, and spend afternoons reading, being told stories, playing with aditya and radhika, playing pretend games all by myself, shopping for books, being pampered by the hordes of ammama and ajjus students and friends, eating all kinds of yummy food, visiting people. and then we came here when niyu was going to be born and when ajju had his by-pass surgery and when ammama turned 60 and ajju turned 70 and 75 and for so many other big events and occasions. and so many other times i cannot even begin to name or recollect.

over the years i remember the time when vacations would come to end, and id be counting days down, telling myself not to be sad that soon id be going back home. somewhere down the line i went through a phase where i didnt really like coming to bombay. the city was hot and smelly and the house was not like it used to be. and whenever we made short trips, i would desperately wait till we returned to bangalore. i would count the days till when we would leave. i think it had a lot to do with growing up and the life i have in bangalore. changes and growth and friends and people and happenings made me miss bangalore when i was in bombay. i havent spent a long 2-month summer here in years now. we've only made short trips in the recent past, most of which i made alone.

niyu lives here now and the house is different. home is like second home now. iv watched ammama and ajju grow old, their love and warmth and foffee only grows younger and fresher by the day. yogi mam and kavitakka have moved out and back in to this home with a family of the most adorable and handful of trouble boys and the house is again bustling with all that used to make it "home" and for the first time in a long long time, i dont want to go back to bangalore.

i can almost sense the pangs of missing bombay and wanting to come back here soon, that i will feel when im back in bangalore later today. its what iv felt so many times before, when i was younger. when moving and shifting around and travelling was easy and i didnt feel bound to anything.

today i feel like iv come a full circle.

joyful, joyful

100% happiness movie this was. sister act 2.

this one gave me goosebumps and filled my eyes up.

and then it takes off and kicks butt.

happy friendship day. hutch is charging me 1 buck a message today. USELESS.

anyway, have a joyful joyful day..

:) hee

satisfaction

too tired to elucidate. so im taking the easy way out.

malleswaram. confusion. hopes. mg road. vivek nagar. drive. traffic. resource. jayadev. chicku. meeting everyone. reena. sunita. drive. triton. ditch. more traffic. saatchi. shenoy. good. confident. cut throat. drive. park. walk. heat. drizzle. hunger. xerox. meridien. creative directorS. payslip. dums. cigarette butt. drive. lots more traffic. hunger. thirst. tired. confused. akshay. thinking. tears. heat. hassled. stressed for no reason. too much thinking. koramangala. plenty more traffic. park. walk. lazeez. chicken roll. "brew haha". alone. weird couple. mocha frappe. walk some more. white canvas. another good interview. more thinking. thank you. see you on monday. walk. drive. rediff. waiting around. arrogance. useless meeting. diss. cheap. throw away. dejected. walk. drive. gym like a maniac. hot. shower. chill. dinner. drive. fun. coffee. pj. ugliest woman on earth. worst hair on earth. laugh. laugh. laugh. drive home. music. joe crocker. nickelback. nitin sawhney. rhcp. david gray.

the calm after the crazy din. always made crazier by me and my head and the things it thinks up.

5 interviews. positive responses. some not even worth remembering. 1 offer. still waiting..

its been one crazy week. unnecessarily emotional and dramatic in my head. more so the last 3 days. driven all over this friggin town through bitching traffic, meeting weird random people, telling them my dreams, getting advice, feeling shitty, feeling inadequate, stepping up, thinking about what i want, counting on the gut feelings.. i feel like SO MUCH has happened in such a short time. and at times it felt like too much to undertake and pull off.

but im going to sleep one satisfied soul tonight. so id say it was worth it.

i have...

work. and my mind has gotten moving. rolling.
creativity. and the ideas flow. unstoppably.
music. teardrop. it soothes.
computer. refreshing change from the old, slow laptop.
reading up. lots of material to churn in my mind.

im peaced out.

"those days, of warm rains come rushing back to me
miles of windless, summer night air
secret moments, shared in the heat of the afternoon
out of the stillness, soft spoken words.."