Tuesday, September 05, 2006

helpless

i had a moment yesterday. an overwhelming, over-powering, debilitating and crush-you-under-its-might sort of feeling. i felt like it had ripped my insides apart. like i was a nothing in the face of what i was feeling. and then i cried.

a moment of helplessness. a moment of tremendous injustice. a moment of humility. a moment of futility. a moment of empathy. a moment of complete insignificance. a moment of rage. a moment of understanding. a moment of feeling sick of everything. a moment of disgust. all wrapped into one.

but most of all it was a moment of truth. a sudden consuming feeling of realising that nothing really is a pretty picture. that things arent as rosy for the whole world, as they may be for me. that i have it way too easy in life. that i have everything i could ever have wanted. that the little boy who travels over 10 km after school, from the outskirts of bangalore to nehru circle, to sell 50-100 rupees worth of laddus, to support his family; probably knows what life really is. that im just so goddamn protected in this little bubble of comfort. that i will never really break that bubble on my own. that i will forever an alien to the larger section of our people, who live lives of struggle.

and then i wonder, is the world really a happy place to be? when the boy answered, "i go to school all day, and come here in the evenings to sell", with the biggest brightest smile i had seen all day, i had my answer.

of course, what am i trying to achieve by sharing this through this pseudo-intellectual, niche medium of expression? i dont know. im just trying to put a finger on what i felt. utterly helpless.

4 comments:

Ajeya said...

really nice post

Prateek said...

you know something revati, just realising what you have and being thankful for it, is all that one needs to do.

next step is to share what you have in whatever way you can.

this is not gyaan ok. just something i have realised and trying everyday to inculcate in me.

It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding - Khalil Gibran

Manu said...

life isnt really about anything.

nothing really matters, love is all we need. -Khalil Gibran (actually, madonna)

Manu said...

Love hides in the strangest places.
Love hides in familiar faces.
Love comes when you least expect it.
Love hides in narrow corners.
Love comes to those who seek it.
Love hides inside the rainbow.
Love hides in molecular structures.
Love is the answer.

- the doors.

btw im not trying to make kkoos comments.