Monday, July 24, 2006

im scared (and i feel stupid)

its funny how sometimes i sit in my air-conditioned car and feel like a shit because i dont have the money to throw on expensive food and entertainment and have a lavish life, and then i feel like a shit for feeling that way when the kids tap on my window begging me to buy earbuds, all the while smiling like life couldnt be better for them.

and then i hear of how 2 random people walked into a perfectly happy warm juice and salad bar, while the waiters were busy, and threw chilli powder in some customers' face and stole their cell phones.

fiona (some RJ) got mugged 100 metres away from museum inn, when she and her boyfriend were going back to their car. she actually got cut on her face and all.

and then similar incidents occured at marathalli, sadashivnagar, airport road..and you can tell what part of the news i keep myself updated on.

my fear of the dark has suddenly really surfaced and grown. im scared to sleep alone. im scared to be the last to turn off all the lights. im scared to walk down the road, after work. when im scared, i run.

im scared. i dont feel safe anymore. when i come home late at night, i dont fully trust my watchman. maybe he's angry at the raw deal his life turned out to be. at the rate things are going around here, i wont be surprised by anything..the disparity is too much to come to grips with. 700,000 square foot mall coming up, on one hand and kids with nothing to eat, on the other. heck id want to grab and kill any loaded and privileged thing that came my way, if i was poor and on the streets.

its also funny how thoughts like this strike me out of the blue and then dont filter deep enough to really shake me out of my comfort-bubble.

on a different trip, im back on semi-floyd journey..if i could find my lost cd, it would be a fully-floyd trip.

also, we're not going to goa. we're trying to be responsible. (tell me we're stupid.)


akshay said...

got up just now. and remembered you wr sad cos no one commented yet. so im saying hi da, and i hope this makes tomorrow a better day. smerp.

ok now to go get some sleep

Ajeya said...

It's OK to be scared sometimes. I think we all go through it. The main thing I guess would be to question where the fear is coming from. That could help.

Not going to Goa? Being responsible?!?! What planet are you from? :-P

mamoid said...

hellooo goa aa???when where im in!!!!thoo dont go to goa come to bbay da!!!we'll go to manori and all...untouched clean maharshtra....wrote mail and congrats on results...btw it still hasnt sunken in that im in a new city!!!i was in a train going somewhere and asw the words mumbai and said wtf!!!where am i??!!!
ps:mentaaaallll!!!!how u macha!!!bloody dont keep in touch ok...fine!!!!humph!!!!

akshay said...

suddenly im not feeling so fukcin good about being responsible. i rode through slush and muck today to do someone i'll never meet a favour, giving up lazing around in goa, and a free cross country blast in a 140 bhp car. i need to get rid of my conscience.

atleast i got some kababs.

hi mamoid, what's up...we miss you terrible. junk bby and come off here...

Manu said...


you get vaceshans aa from RD to go to gova and all

Manu said...

fine dah go to goa while im up at 5 doingthisfuckall workfor fuckall designvivasome2fuckallhousewivesfromhublimasqueradingasarchitectswillcomeandsayverygoodorthooninakkanbevarsimunde

Manu said...

shitt i didnt get a scrollbar^

haathi said...

aj: smerp. yes we miss you mamoo. like fools we sit and think abt how blah it is without having that open air coffee day to go to and sit around making fun of people and argue about various things and belt mental for saying certain things. i miss being vela.

ajeydada: i dont know where the fear suddenly surfaced from. and goa isnt happening. because i 'work' now.. bleahhhh.

mamoo: ya da goa in a baleno, driving. me and akshay. and we didnt go. rather he decided he didnt wnt to and i said ya anyway i cant. so yay. thats responsible.

suntikoppandai: SCROLL BAR itssims! WTFeshwari. DUNT put it tha longh khrughmments. (omg what was that!)

biriya said...

hi da - i feel your pain about lack of vacation. how many days do you get? i get one day a month (accrued after time worked)- which i think is SO f*ed up. that means i'll have to stay for an eternity just to get a decent freakin holiday. *sigh* i think it's ok to be scared too - isn't everybody? most people just don't admit it...

biriya said...

oh and hi pooja!! how ARE you da? i was remembering our digging and fanning episode a few days back and getting both nostalgic and a bit freaked out :) so cool that you are in bombay - live it up da!! i'm sure you are!

mamoid said...

ayyo!!!dude nat a becoming responsible!!!nat a nice!!i hate the f!@#$%g word!!!!thoo!!i wnna come home for some time man..oct is too far away..could u finmd out if mama is coming down in aug like she told me she would??
mental da wassup!!how is the new house treating u??and has col begun??
biriya fanning and digging im missing man but why u freaked out??how is america and when u coming down??and bbay is fantabulous!!!!totally loving it next deastination NEW YORK NEW YORK!!!!sex and the city yo!!!!

akshay said...

We demand an update!

To be precise, we update our demand!

haathi said...

no more updates. we demand communication. and expression. so fuck you too.