growing up

im on the eve of what promises to be the saddest birthday ever.
and to add to the fun, its my 25th.

i really should have been in goa THIS weekend.

after a really long time, i feel a serious lack of motivation to work. i dont know if its the kind of day im having, or the work i have today, or if its something in the air..

nothing seems worth it. and all iv done in between mindlessly trying to finish some work, is youtube every single lauryn hill video and listen to it over and over.

now im moving on to alicia keys. and theyre both brilliant vocalists.

someone please pray my day gets better.

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in preparation for goaaaaa..

this song has transported me to a beach, 1 week in advance. its like im THERE already. under the umbrella, looking at the waves as they come and go endlessly.

the need to beat the heat

the heat is killing me. i cant decide what i hate more. consistently blistering heat, or weather that fluctuates between the horrible heat and the naggling drizzle. sometimes even when im indoors (in the office) i feel like the heat is oppressive. sometimes it burns my eyes. sometimes its so hassling, it makes my brain want to shut down.

iv been dying to go swimming ever since the heat kicked in. but it hasnt happened, and im extremely sad about it. first, i cant seem to find the right time to go. second, iv heard the club has become extremely icky and i havent felt tempted to go THERE. we could go to priyas to swim, but everytime we make plans and i manage to get out of work in time, it starts frigging raining.

i dont know if its the heat thats contributing to my general blimp-like feeling..but despite hitting the gym 2 weeks ago and feeling rather happy about the consistency with which iv been dragging myself out of bed at 6 every morning, i STILL feel blimp-like. and thats altogether very uncomfortable.

in less than 2 weeks, i will find myself on a HOT beach. i mean HOT. because like genuises, we've decided to go to the hottest coast in india, in the peak of summer. all my planning and effort eventually went down the drain. and all efforts to avoid the heat are now pointless. because we're going at EXACTLY the time i didnt want to go! but im not complaining. im merely stating the irony.

but im MASSIVELY looking forward to the getaway. despite the heat. we will tackle that issue with some serious lack of clothing. and i plan to do nothing but sit under an umbrella. and not move, except to dip in the sea, get the next beer, stuff my face with some new food, go shower at sundown and head to some nice beachy club. where we will beat the heat some more.

speaking of beating the heat, iv heard that you get some really cool dresses (im talking happy, bright, summery dresses!) in delhi. in one of the gazillion "markets" in the city. i wannnnt! i wish we had a gk1 m block market here.

even though iv had some coke, fruit cake AND ice cream, on account of someones birthday in the office, IM STILL FEELING HOT.

 

nowwuddodoo?

first whiff of the ipl

finally i decided to watch some ipl cricket..and couldnt get past 10 mins..

its a priety zinta vs shilpa shetty game. all i can say is i hope shilpa shetty loses.

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swimming around in my brain..

so many places to see, so little time and never enough money

thank god for advanced technology and telecommunication

why do i always feel like stuffing face at 630 pm? why does 630 make me feel like il eat anything that comes my way

people wear so many different masks, different faces. and sometimes they forget to take them off and go back to who they are

i was so wrong to judge too soon

am i forgetting who i am and getting too caught up in this whole 'together' thing

does loving someone mean doing something they want you to, even though your heart doesnt

will i ever run out of endorphins

who do i vote for

when everything is so quiet, whats that noise in my head

Sent from my Nokia phone

reviving an old love song..

..because i heard it on the way home, and suddenly realised i had it on my ipod all along!

in other news:
i thought my psycho days were long gone, but theyre not.

i thought i knew someone well, but it turns out i dont.

the man you marry is worlds apart from the man you used to date.
quite the same way, the husband he is around you, is worlds apart from the husband he is when hes not around you.

also, i had a fantastic day at work. and on days like this i wonder if really its too good to be true. but then i stop myself before i jinx it.

im getting closer to goa-going. and that thought makes me VERY happy.

go listen to summer madness. its a guaranteed trip.

bliss..

home cooked dinner. beer. coke. fried chicken. mad laughter. mud pie.

bliss.

Sent from my Nokia phone

the challenges..

the husband has successfully driven me up the wall today. long distance.

beat that.

and find me a hole to jump into and disappear.

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iwishiwishiwish..

i wish there was a way that work got done miraculously
i wish sleep would leave me when i am at work
i wish all the food i eat had a way of evaporating through my pores and not piling on my butt
i wish air tickets were cheaper
i wish distances were shorter
i wish home was home to me
i wish i could play music really loudly in my office
i wish i could be as crazy as i really am, ALL the time, and not just behind closed doors with the few people im free with
iwishiwishiwishiwishiwish...

guava-va-va-va-vaaaa

im hopelessly addicted to tropicana's guava nectar. i dont know if its a new addition to their not-so-vast range of juices, but i hadnt ever noticed it before. and now, ever since i set my eyes on it, iv been bitten by the guava nectar bug. i cant seem to do without at least one pack a day, usually consumed post lunch. with an after-effect of massive satisfaction of the quenching-an-additcs-craving kind.

and i have no idea whether this is healthy or not, but today i was drawn to foodworld even before i entered office! and i had to beg the cleaning ladies to let me in 10 minutes before opening time, and make an exception just this once, so i could buy a pack.

ah well, ho humm sigh..lets hope the guava rush can give me extra energy to get through the day, because today promises to be long and weary.

happy hormones are back

so im back to the exercise routine. with renewed motivation, determination and gym membership. i realise that exercise makes every single day better. it keeps me happy, energetic and makes me hungry at all the right times.

its good to get back after a dry lazy spell, because everything feels so new again. i miss running though. running for my life and pushing my limits by a few extra minutes every day. but for now, pilates it is. and pilates it will be.

exercise most definitely infinitely increases the happy hormones in my system and keeps me going. its a good thing that i can go from being slightly wide to just wide-ish and from fat-ish to fit-ish. so if nothing else, i can safely say i exercise to stay happy.

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loser-magnet

it just dawned on me that i am what you could call the quintessential "loser-magnet". you know, babe-magnet, chic-magnet, stud-magnet..same line of thought. except im not any of those. im a loser-magnet, save a few very special non-loser souls in my life :)

 

and somehow i do this to myself over and over again. its like an addiction. like a knack. and if such a category of people didnt exist so far, you can go ahead and put it down now. add it to the list. consider it my contribution to the world of people-nomenclature.

ideas?

does anyone know who has karaoke nights in bangalore.. other than godforsaken opus?

more happiness

i love this song. i love its bassline.
and iv tripped to it today.

happiness IS a song.

laughter...and then some!

its been a day of far too much laughter.

my cheeks hurt.

:)

but i cant stop. and im in the mood to spread the cheer.

anyone wanna meet and get infected?

suffocate

people just dont know how to live. and let live. and thats just so sad.

PO today

Pissed Off, that is.

 

first the auto driver fleeced me on the way to work.

the admin head picked a nonsense fight with me.

this chic in gurgaon i work with has no brains.

she has no patience either.

she thinks shes the only client i have, and the only person whos orders i have to cater to.

basically she thinks im at her beck and call.

the net is acting up every now and then.

my work is stalling because of brainless gurgaon chic.

my boss is in an all day training so i have no one to give me a second opinion.

like i mentioned im on faff-mode rather than work-mode today.

when i go home, there will be no husband today. or tomorrow. or the day after. or the day after. or the day after. or the day after..you get the drift?

 

ya so thats reason enough, dont you think?

 

im Pissed. Off.

 

 

a tough day to get through

so its 10 36 a.m. and im at a 0 on the work-mode meter. and 100 on the faff mode meter.

 

its going to be an interesting day to get through till 6 p.m.

when you dont go, when you really need to go

it takes a grand total of 99 steps to get to the loo from my desk. and anything between 80-90 when i REALLY need to go. it makes for a rather tantalizingly long walk, as i trudge along on the brink of embarrassing myself with a pee-incident.

needless to say of course, the walk back is pleasant, with me feeling lighter than before.

this inconvenient distance is affecting my wellbeing.

time to think about a portable loo.

every now and then, my life has an uncanny way of breaking the former 'weirdest-thing-ever' barrier. raising the bar, for the next most wierd event to come along and do the honours.

like iv said before, im going to try and write a book someday. at least just to vent all these weird notes and comments and observations that are building up inside me. sometimes i feel like i wont be able to take it anymore, and it will all just burst. flying around creating ripples of discomfort around me.

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things that amazed me this weekend..

how much bangalore has changed

how much time has passed

how some people can be SO predictable

how im often the only non smoker no matter who we go out with

how i love being at home (the original one) and how different i am in familiar territory

how people interpret the same situation so differently

how one mans idea of fun is completely absurd to another

how things change so soon..

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from here on..

there comes a time in your life, when all of a sudden it becomes alarmingly clear what you want from your the rest of your life. well, some part of it at least, becomes remarkably crystal clear. almost like you visualise yourself in the future, doing those things, having those things, feeling all those things, that you presently have realised you want. its an experience that borders on some out-of-body kind of experience, and can leave you mentally and emotionally drained.

this is what i feel today. the weight of clarity, and the urgency to make it happen someday, for my selfish sake.

Sent from my Nokia phone

i need to dance...

i feel like dancing.
i feel like dancing.
i feel like dancing.

and im sitting in my cubicle instead. with major bass beats and fast loud music playing in my ears. and all kinds of thoughts running through my head.

i need to dance.
i need to dance.

and bangalore has a nightlife thats as dead as the fish in russel market.