the past few days

this slightly random post is being written in a state of major sleep deprivation.

human beings are a weird bunch. double standards, hypocrisy and fckle mindedness..i guess im just not exposed enough to it. when it occurs right ibefore my eyes, i never know how to react. most often, im dumbfounded and too shocked to say or do the "right" thing in retaliation. and more often than not, its always WAYYY after the incident has occured that i think "damn! why didnt i open my mouth and speak up!" but the moment has gone by then. and soon enough the cycle repeats. human beings are a weird bunch. we do strange things to feel good about ourselves. and we do strange things to convince ourselves that we're in the right, doing the right thing. its very weird. over the last week, iv learnt that people are strange. kind of like jim morrison warned us about. but iv watched, and iv felt things, and iv made mental notes of what it felt like, and hopefully next time round i will say what i need to.

over the last few days iv been constantly thinking about what it is i want out of the next one year. and i just cannot put my finger on it. no surprises. iv never known. in all my life, i havent really had any long-term goals. in a way its strange, and scary. but on the other hand it means at least im still yearning to find out, and every now and then i get restless and cannot rest until i have a temporary pacifying reason. i dont know..sometimes i hate the way my mind works.

on a much more apetizing note: chinese food has made a good and much welcomed entry back into my life. 2 nights in a row now. (as you can see shedding some lbs is so NOT happening just yet)..sigh, oh well. like iv said before, i live to eat, and now im fat. so be it. chinese food is good and more importantly iv had some of the best most fun and interesting times of my life over chinese food. chilli fish is the new favourite.

so the past 2 days have been killer at work. on all fronts. actual work itself, and emotional overload, and some boredom and the lack of sleep. and the constant nagging reminder that i NEED to desperately make time for myself, outside of work. fuck..

anyway, highlight of today: im so glad akshay and i can talk about just about anything. even the possibility that i might have a "crush" on someone. muhahaha.. i love it re! what would i do without you. thanks for all the fun. i had a great evening after all. it really is like warm happy fuzzy things are going to happen and good things will show up and chocolate custard type feeling. and why am i not surprised its a food / chocolate / dessert analogy?! (for those of you that dont understand, fuck it. dont even try.)

baz is singing to me. "understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few, you should hold on." and so i WILL.