Wednesday, April 06, 2011

have my tears gone dry?

I used to be someone that cried a lot. At the drop of a hat. For any goddamn thing. Emotional, moving, gut wrenching, saddening, disappointing, all made me cry.

Whether I was overjoyed, or frustrated, or caving under pressure of feeling liberated, somehow the only way my mind came to terms with it would be with an outflow of tears. I accepted it as apart of myself.

Yet, in the last year, I have noticed that the tears have gradually decreased. I dont know if thats a sign of some sort of toughening up inside of me, or if I have just gotten over the phase of being overly emotional about everything, but something tells me this change is here for a while.

For someone that would cry several times a week, over various things in my Bangalorean life, I cant remember the last time I have cried about anything. And by that I mean the emotional overload sort of cry.

That said, today Im feeling so many things that would have previously induced an outburst. Im feeling stressed out, under pressure, scattered, unable to get a grip, and like Im struggling with time. Its a strange feeling to feel it all inside me, and not have the solace of letting it all pour out. Its just not happening. The tears jus refuse to come!

I dont know whether to be happy or sad. Its a strange kind of dichotomy, this.

1 comment:

Aparna Radhakrishnan said...

I perfectly understand your feelings about crying...

I used to cry over everything that I used to be called a touch-me-not for long..

.but now if i need to cry, I need to stimulate with some tragic movie that the tears come out and is not suffocating me like hell... I know I am not toughening fact i have become more emotional and sensitive but the tears refuse to come...all the sadness and irritation just suffocates me! For all the training to control my tears...and now I am on the other side of the field!