we won!

You just KNOW its going to be a weird day when you send off an email titled "New copy and loins", instead of "New copy and lines".

:S

That aside, it turned out to be a brilliant day. With us leaving work at 2, making adequate preparations for the match (mood enhancers, calmers, munchies, watermelon juice) and settling in to watch the whole damn thing, to the nailbiting finish. In the end, we won. But not after we had screamed the building down and ourselves hoarse.

What a satisfying day it was.

whoosh

Yup, thats the familiar sound I heard whenever a deadline passes by me. I used to think it was a corny line every time I read in those trying-to-be-funny forwards. But today I realised that its SO true.

I happily and conscientiously put down my calendar for the day, first thing every morning. But invariably, I get stuck doing task #2-3 and rarely move past to actually complete what Iv set out to do.

Outlook 2011 kindly sets off an alarm whenever its time to start a new task. Like today. I was on task 2 for what felt like an eternity, and WHOOSH, deadlines for task 3, 4 and 5 just whizzed past. Just like that. Before I knew it, it was time to leave, and tomorrow I will carry forward the same old spillover of unfinished business.

Hohummsigh.

home bloopers

After an afternoon of much lazing and then some kitchen-cleaning, dish-washing, laundering, hair-oiling, more lazing, and finally showering, I settled myself with a large mug of steaming chai. Feeling absolutely squeaky clean and relaxed, I thought to myself, "This is the life", and hit ctrl+t and keyed in www.facebook.com

A particular picture popped up at me, and I HAD to share it with my mum and sister. So I jumped, and somewhere between whisking my hand towards the laptop and typing things out in a frenzy, I knocked the mug of chai down. All over. Myself.

So much for squeaky clean.

Piping hot chai is not the best thing to have stuck to you, I assure you. And my first instinct was to leap off the chair and grab the tshirt off my skin. Forgetting completely that my laptop lay dangerously close to the very large puddle of chai that was quickly flowing towards it. My laptop was safe, and I was drenched in tea. Had the mug been tossed in the exact opposite direction (and it was highly likely), things could have been VERY different, and I dont think Id be writing this very elaborate post about how sometimes the silver lining is so thin that it's almost not there.

The result:
Im never drinking chai around my macbook again
I have a slightly sore/burnt tummy
I have been deprived of my evening fix of chai

timing

Its a funny thing being friends, yet having those thin boundaries. Its easy to cross over and get into the twilight zone between familiarity and extreme closeness.

Recent events in life have proved that sometimes its good to just back off. Over familiarity breeds weirdness. Offering a ear when it is not needed creates awkwardness. Sometimes I think Im sensitive to whats going on, but I go the extra mile and try and be there, when the other person might not really need/want it. In such times its best to let go and lend a ear, if ask. IF asked.

That's probably another thing Iv learnt in recent time. Its all about timing. To do everything in its time. Not before. Not after. JUST WHEN.

re-charge

Offlate, Iv been feeling excessively tired. Not physically, but overall. Mentally exhausted, physically lethargic, attention-wise too, its all been down. Sort of like I need my batteries to be recharged. Big time.

This hasnt happened to me in a long long time. The house is a mess. The piles of clothes lie around neglected. The sheets beg to be changed, but I dont make a move. The kitchen needs attention, but Im looking half-heartedly. My body has gotten flabby and slobbery, but I cant seem to get off my ass and do something about it. My sleep patterns are struggling to keep up, and Im not doing anything to make it better.

Its like the worst of times (physically), amidst the best of times (whats around me). There's so much happening sometimes I feel I cant match up. I miss the free times, yet Im loving the busy-ness. I want to sleep early, yet I cant get myself to finish fast.

As a result, I feel drained. Like an energizer bunny who finally gave up. Yes, it happens to the best of us.

So today, I decided to make a change. To bring in some positivity. And happiness, it turns out, is in leaving work 30 minutes early, stopping off at the local veggie store, stocking up on some not-always-on-your-list kind of vegetables, rushing home, putting on a big pot of sambar, and chilling out while the aroma surrounds you.

Ah, the simple joys. Thats all it takes. I dont need no fancy nothing. I just need my sambar. And my veggies. And the time to tidy up my home. And some alone time. And some good ol' writing my thoughts out.

But in the mean time, any suggestions on how I can chill this weekend, and catch up on some much needed rejuvenation?

disoriented

sleepy head
lazy lump
lard bucket
hunk of ham

..just some of the ways to describe how i currently feel.

sending love and energy

My thoughts and prayers go out to Simmi, her mother and sisters. And Im praying for courage and strength to keep it together now more than ever.

An open letter to the year 2010

Remember the unfinished post I mentioned a few days ago?

The one that was meant to be a look back on 2010, that then turned into a look back on 1 year spent in Goa?

Well here it finally is:

Dear 2010,

You were a year of variety. Of rapid change. Of several happenings. Of adjustment, learning, moving on and coming into my own. Of a rapid succession of events, that often left me feeling like I was just left sliding through, trying to get a grip. Yet, I am thankful for it all. For everything that happened. The course my life has taken, and everything it has brought to me. Because it made me see that its better to be sliding through than sitting on the bench.

This year began with a move to a new city. While it was physically just a shift of base, in the larger picture that is life itself, this move signified a shift within time. From one phase into another. From one kind fo person into another. And in that sense, it has been probably the single most life-changing decision I have made in recent times.

Queue post in which I feel somewhat like a super hero upon looking back on the year gone by, since I moved to Goa. So if these things don’t all seem like a big deal to you, please note that they really were for me. Because most cases stated below were “first times” for me.

So why was 2010 such an awesome year?

Because 2010 taught me to be brave and take the plunge and do something I have shied away from all my life. To move out of my comfort zone. To break away from all things familiar, that I have cocooned myself in. Comfortable, dependent on routine and mundanities, unable to break away and move on.

Because 2010 taught me to take charge of my life, and develop the courage to live it on my own terms. And with that it taught me to face up to difficult situations all by myself. It taught me to look in the face of loneliness, unemployment, unpredictability, ill-health and figure a way out.

It was in 2010 that I discovered I had a domestic, home-loving, nurturing side to myself. This is something I didn’t even have the slightest inclination to, and therefore never imagined I would in the least be able to manage having a home. From someone who couldn’t boil a packet of milk without having it spill over, to someone who dived into the kitchen and learnt how to make whole meals from scratch, I have not only discovered I can do it, but I can do it well. And the biggest surprise of all: I enjoy it.

2010 gave me the opportunity to bring out the girl in me. The girl that likes a tidy home. The girl that takes pleasure in maintaining a well-stocked kitchen, plans her meals in advance, takes care to make sure there’s just the right amount of veggies and proteins in her meals. The girl who likes to change sheets, dust corners and enjoys being at home.

2010 gave me 10 long months in which to revel in the world of self-employment, to juggle multiple things, work at any od hour I pleased, anywhere I pleased, and most importantly: enjoy the moments in between.

2010 helped me discover the kind of work I truly enjoy. The kind of work that captures your mind completely and engulfs you within, without realizing how 6 hours whizzed by. The satisfaction that it brings is tremendous. 2010 let me taste that kind of satisfaction at having completed meaningful and truly enjoyable work. In a sense 2010 helped me find what I love.

2010 showed me what it is to be utterly and totally broke, and not know where your next meal is going to come from. But 2010 also showed me how to come out of it.

2010 showed me that it is when you are away from those you love that you realise who matters and who doesn’t. Which of your friends are true friends, and which ones FB friends.

2010 was about feeling closer to my parents than I ever have. It was about travelling a distance to actually develop closer bonds. It was about my parents turning into support+friends+guides+mentors all rolled into one.

The biggest learning from 2010 has been enjoying my own company. Somehow the loneliness just disappeared when I started doing that. When I restarted reading, painting, developed an interest in cooking, blogging, food blogging, photography and so much more. I was no longer lonely. And this is something I am going to find very difficult to give up.

2010 also brought me back to employment. I was lucky to have this opportunity in a city where writers have almost no work. And even though I got off to a shaky start, 2010 ended on a positive note, steadying my foothold at work.

2010 showed turned my marriage into a marriage. From roomies in love to husband and wife, with a home of our own, VC and I have come a long way. 2010 has strengthened what we have in so many ways. 2010 was a year of so few fights, and so much togetherness. A year of discovering ourselves as individuals and as a couple. Of etching out in our minds the kind of life we envision for ourselves, the way we want to steer our individual lives and the choices we want to make. 2010 was really about us.

2010 was about thinking hard and choosing wisely. 2010 was about making few, but meaningful friends.

2010 was about coming out of my shell and coming into my own. Of planting my feet firmly in the ground, in an area that now feels like home. It has taught me so much, through the varied moments of ecstacy, uncontrollable joy, despair, being down in the doldrums, the tears, the hysterical laughter, the beaches, the long drives, the solitude, the quest for answers, the love for life. It has been a priceless year here in Goa. Hopefully just the beginning of many more.

2010 taught me to love my life, and treat everyday like an invaluable span of time that will never come back. 2010 brought me back to life, and showed me how to live. 2010 brought me to Goa, taught me how to love it and make a life here.

2010 was about a dream finally coming true.

And for all that and more, I am humbled and ever indebted.

Thank you, 2010.
2011, bring it.

meandering thoughts

sunday-sleep-in? sunday-go-out?
drink? detox?
sit-on-lazy-ass? get-off-my-ass?
eat out? cook in?
buy books? buy kitchen essentials?

some of lifes dilemmas are not easy.

another kind of day

It seems to be the kind of day that leaves one feeling stupid. Very, very stupid.

in retrospect

I was just looking at my entries from March 2010. And i found the post from exactly one year ago.

Its amazing how my life has changed in leaps and bounds since then. In every possible way. Im settled. I feel at home. Im domesticated. Im employed. Im happy.

Theres an unfinished post in my drafts, something I wrote in January, as my customary looking-back-on-the-year-gone-by post. But in the thick of the newly employed life, I never got down to finishing it. When March came along, and VC and I completed a whole year since we moved to Goa, I revisited the post and turned it into a one-year-in-Goa post. Promptly, I abandoned it again. Looking back on this post form a year ago is making me want to revisit the unfinished draft yet again, and perhaps this time Il finish it.

this is the end

Yesterday, I heard that Cotton World has opened in Panjim. Immediately my little heart leaped with joy. Not because I love shopping, but because Cotton World is probably one of my most favouritestest stores, and in the rare event that I do shop, I tend to go there.

In over a year that I have been in Goa, I havent shopped. I havent bought anything for myself. Mostly because there isnt a single place in Panjim that suits my fancy or my taste and inclination in clothes. Cotton World presents a perfect opportunity for me to undo that :D

And then I heard that Cotton World has opened in Panjim's first mall. Along with Westside, KFC, and from what I know of the place, inadequate parking.

As much as I am happy that I no longer have to ask my mom to shop at Westside in Bangalore and send across stuff to me, Im kind of sad that this is most certainly the beginning of the end of another charming Indian town.

i hate..

that my blog has become a place to rant.
that i have no time for myself. even in my own home.
that iv gotten into a rut where my time is not respected, and hence not in my control.
that its tuesday and im sulking.
that it seems like its going to be one helluva long and fuckall week.
that i havent spent any quality time with vc in what seems like forever.
that its been close to a month of no me/us time.

do something. someone.

gurl toys

iv spent a large part of today:
- sliding through spaces
- dragging and dropping files
- docking and toggling icons
- loving the enriched colors
- discovering new trackpad tricks

and as a result: not getting much work done efficiently :)

im in love again.
and this time its with my new macbook pro.

the scene today

There's really nothing to it. And no easy way to put it.

Im Bored. Out. Of. My. Wits.

How else would you explain letter writing that gets dragged out over 4 days?

A change, will do you good.

The husband is never home before 8 30 pm.
And he tends to work 3 out of 4 Saturdays a month.

Last night, he was home at 7 30. While I was in the office till 9 30.
Today is Saturday. Im at work. And the husband just called to ask me if I could pick up a few beers for him on my way home.

Hows that for a change of scene, eh?

:D