what will be.. will be

im not good with change. its not a good thing to be that way but im just not good with it. it takes a long long time for me to chew and swallow and digest and accept and assimilate change. its a bad thing to be this way, but i dont know what i can do for an instant reversal to a more accepting and let-it-be-ish attitude towards things.

i cannot digest how things have changed. i cannot get myself to accept and peacefully make my peace with the fact that this is it, the new scheme of things and theres nothing i can do or fight any longer, to make things otherwise.

what used to be has passed me by. what is, is too confusing and disturbing to fathom. well maybe not disturbing, but not easy.

i dont like what become of certain things in my life. but i think what i dont like is the fact that i have to reorient myself and adjust to a new pattern of things. the change by itself is a good thing, im just having a hard time breaking an old habit. know what i mean? its like never wanting to get rid of an old pair of socks, even though they're torn and fail to do the job of a decent pair of socks. they get so comfortable and take the shape of your feet, and feel all snug and warm, yet you know something is not right when you see them gaping holes.

small steps. one step at a time i guess. sometimes alone. sometimes joyous. sometimes together. sometimes in company. sometimes dejected. but always getting ahead. sigh. il stop. bottom line is, i have a hard time dealing with change. and i think it comes out in very strange and odd ways.