hope

we sat in the inch. yellow-ey, pleasant, chic, and very soothing place it is. for the first time in days i felt calm. at peace and at ease with myself. and the thoughts going through my head. i didnt feel like my thoughts were out-running me. like i couldnt catch up. like i couldnt hold on or keep track. like i was scattered and splattered all over the floor, trying to pick myself up and gather myself.

i've learned...
i cannot always control the way i feel
i cannot control the way somebody else feels
sometimes hurt and pain is unintentional but inevitable
i cannot love someone for what i want him to be, as much as i love him for what he is

funnily, after all we've been through, the hope still remains. only without the anxious holding on. i feel free. liberated and calm.

"i guess im a dreamer, my heart is gold
i had to run away high so i wouldnt come home low
just when things went right didnt mean they were always wrong
just take this song and you'll never feel left all alone
take me to your heart feel me in your bones
just one more night and im coming off this long and winding road
im on my way im on my way
home sweet home"