Sunday, February 13, 2011

weekend glory

Having recently gone back to work after a nice long hiatus during which I worked from home, I have come to the conclusion that the very nature of a full time job is one that kills time. and with it, the will and space to do things other than work. I see it all around me. I dont know too many people who spare time for things that make life meaningful, to do things they love. Sure people read, people cook, people drive out, people party.. but Im talking about doing things that enrich the soul, that you can indulge in without limits, without a time frame, and feel the joy that little else can make you feel.

I have a love-hate relation ship with work. I started working again because I needed a steady flow of work to keep me going, both from a monetary as well as a sense-of-accomplishment point of view. I was never the kind to be a full time housewife. Which is why the freelancing thing worked so well for me, when the going was good. But the minute the projects dwindled, and I felt the strain of being cut off, networking sitting out of a tiny village on the West coast of India, I knew it was time to go back. I love what I do, to some extent. I havent found the right fit, here in my current job, but I am grateful for the opportunity, and I am grateful for the flexibility in terms of the kind of work there is to do. But I hate that I have started living my life from one weekend to the next. What features in between is a blur. And every Friday evening I hate having that feeling like another week has just passed me by and I have nothing worthy to remember it by.

At first I thought it had something to do with having company to do things. But then I realised that I had spent the first 10 months of being here almost completely alone, and that has taught me enough about enjoying my solitude, to quickly realise that its pointless waiting for people to ask you to include you in their plans, or for them to join you when you ask them to. Its strange, the people I hang out with at work are a nice enough bunch of people, but I dont get how adults go the clique way! Its something I left behind in school. Especially in a situation where so many of us have left our homes, our friends and networks behind to come to Goa, I dont understand how they dont naturally feel like involving others. I find myself always going out of my way to ask someone or the other to join us on the weekends. But I guess I cant expect everyone to be the same way. To each their own, I suppose.

Also, like I said, when you have yourself for company, you dont end up waiting forever and ever till someone joins you. Its not about the company, its not about having enough time, its about having the spirit to do something bad enough. And you pick up and get going. So, the husband and I have decided to make our weekends count, if nothing else. Sure, it doesnt give us the freewheeling unending free time that I used to have when I was working from home, but I have realised that I should make the most of my current situation rather than pine for something I cant have at the moment.

See what we've been up to. Visit my Moving-To-Goa blog for more :)

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