Thursday, February 24, 2011

home is where the heart is?

What do I make of the city I once called home? The city that has me feeling utterly torn. The city that in some way will always be home, and yet it’s the same city that I feel I have moved so far away from. The city that groomed me to be the person I am. The city I once thought I would never leave. Who ever thought going back home could leave one feeling torn? I didn’t, until my recent trip back home.

At its core, Bengalooroo will remain “home”, in the truest sense of the word. A place with familiarity. Comfort. Warmth. Where Im always welcome. Where I can go unannounced and still be welcomed. But as I recently discovered, it’s not where my heart is.

I just don’t know what to make of it city anymore. On one hand it is home. Because when I walk into my home, the apartment my parents live in, there’s a calmness I just cant fight. That old familiarity returns. The happy vibes and warmth envelop me. The smiling faces of people waiting for me – nothing compares. But that’s just the confines of the nest I once lived in. But outside of that? Nothing feels the same.

After my recent trip back home, Ive realized that its not the city that I miss. It’s the people, the associations and memories that I tug at my heart more than anything else. So yes, I miss my old home, I miss my parents, I miss the handful of friends I have. Heck, sometimes I even miss my ex-workplace and my friends there. But do I miss the city?

Not one bit. With every trip I make back, I realize how my tolerance for the chaos and hustle-bustle of that city has diminished. That’s when I realise that maybe home really is just where the heart is. The truth is, that place has become Goa. And that’s precisely why I feel torn. It’s a feeling of having to choose between the city that holds all my memories, and the city I now love as much as my own.


prateek james said...


you can take the the person away from bangalore but you cannot take bangalore away from a person ok? got it? c'est la vie buddy!!! so dont you run away....anyway experiment is over hehehehe

Shruthi said...

I understand. Though I still live in Bangalore, I yearn for Bangalore. Because the Bangalore I love is the one in my mind. Which was real once, but not anymore. The roads are there, the trees are there (well, not all of them), the buildings are there, but it is as if everything is cloaked in an invisible unfamiliariy.

I live in Bangalore and call Bangalore home. I say I love Bangalore, and I mean it. I still love it for the place it was. It has changed, but for me, Bangalore will always be what it was in my childhood.

Ranjan Atreya said...


hAAthi said...

pj: SOOOO much drama aa?!

Shruthi: yes! i know exactly what you mean. the new bangalore is worlds apart from the old bangalore i remember as "home".

ranjan: yeahhhh gooaaaahhh!

Anita said...

Think it is awesome that you have not one but two cities you can love! I always say - the more the merrier.