Monday, February 14, 2011

ants in my pants

An old uncle friend I recently met after aeons, asked me how I was doing, how life in Goa was treating me, and if I liked my new job. And while my answers were positive (genuinely!) on all accounts, pat came his retort: Oh but you wont stick around! You've got ants in your pants!

And its been stuck in my head since. While I know that his saying it doesnt make it true, I just cant seem to shake off the feeling of being judged by someone, based on a particular phase in my life. Sure, there was a time when I did have "ants-in-my-pants" so to speak. Mostly in the professional sense, which had repercussions that petered into the rest of my life I guess. I have always observed that when a certain aspect of my life is unsettled, it does affect the rest of my life in more ways that I realise. So maybe it was true for that phase in my life. I know what he is referring to. He's talking about a time in my life, not so long ago, when I was happily jumping in and out of jobs. Moving from unsatisfying to more satisfying opportunities. I couldnt help it! I was unhappy in the world of advertising, and it took me 4-5 jobs (within the span of 12 months) to realise why I was unhappy.

While I was mildly embarrassed to be referred to as the girl with ants-in-her-pants, I was reminded of that time in my life. And I found myself looking back and feeling SO glad that I didnt just settle, or find reasons to keep every one of those jobs. It is because I had ants in my pants, that I discovered my strengths in a particular area of writing, and I found the job that I loved. A job I was dedicated to for well over a year. A job I would happily have continued in for many years to come, if I didnt have to move cities. So, much as I wanted to snap back and say "Oh that phase is over!", I just chose to let him have his moment of judgement, and chuckled to myself.

Who woulld have thought having ants in my pants could ever turn out so well?

2 comments:

jhuihi said...

As you rightly said it having ants in ur pants that has helped you discover urself, Ur abilities, ur talents, ur inner self :) if one does'nt have those ants in one's pants to keep one all fiery then life wud be so dull mundane & meaningless. I guess its very easy to live a secured routine life. whats life without experiments. If one gets stuck on eating rice & dal & nothing else one will never know what all is available & missed out on :) ( i'am a foodie hence the eg :D) not every1 has the guts or the ability to be experimental so its a quality to be admired, embraced & not be embarrassed about :)

hAAthi said...

here's to more experimentation and testing waters then, rani!