thinking aloud

I am: living in the moment. and happy to be where i am in life.; blissfully in love; awaiting the future excited and worried at the same time

I think: about how time tends to pass slowly when you really need it to go by fast, and how it zips along when you want it to go slow. all, when its actually going at the same speed throughout.

I know: that someday im going to have to quench this thirst to travel and see places iv been dreaming of for a long, long time.

I want: to be on a beach, with soft white sand and clear blue sea, beneath a bright orange umbrella, basking in the glory of happiness and sunshine.

I have: everything i could have imagiend for myself; a strong will to live life to the fullest; a serious fear of the dark.

I wish: it were easier to sustain the happiness, forget the unhappiness, and everyone had equal amounts of everything they needed.

I hate: smoking, cynicism, two-faced-ness, the constant 3-day drizzle that we occassionally face, garbage trucks, milk.

I miss: the years between age 16 - 18, college days, the freedom to do what i wanted along with the security of still being a child who'll always have a safe home to come back to.

I fear: fear itself, losing people i love, loneliness, never being able to travel

I feel: lazy, at the moment. and i feel the lack of a certain someones presence.

I hear: the tv in the next room and the sound of the keys on my laptop.

I smell: the amazing smell of wet paint and freshly polished wood. and its making me seriously high.

I crave: to be on a deck chair, on a beach, staring out into a beautiful sunset.

I search: for ways to be at peace with myself and everything around me, for the perfect saree blouse design.

I wonder: how long it will be before i can pack up, leave, travel, see the world, and not feel poor at the end of it.

I regret: soemthings, sometimes.

I love: like iv never loved before, the sea, elephants, my family, vivek, photography, music, the rain, weekends, the smell of mens cologne lingering in the elevator, flowers, yellow roses, photographs on india, watching babies from a distance, writing what i feel, talking, eating just about anything, the gym and the endorphin rush, where life has brought me.

I ache: to own a new lens.

I care: for those i love.

I am not: an average chicita, a good cook, good at business.

I believe: theres more to life than to get married and have babies, goodness in everyone except auto drivers, what goes around comes around, someday i WILL travel far and wide, for no real reason but to soak up the world.

I dance: only when im out clubbing, and only when nobody is looking.

I sing: only when im not forced to, and only when im not shy.

I cry: when i miss, when i love, when im happy, when im PMSing.

I don’t always: enjoy "hanging around", feel my best.

I fight: a lot, off late; more than id like to; when i feel threatened, or like something i hold dear is threatened or challenged.

I write: for a living; when i have so much to say, and nobody to say it to; when i want to express something beautifully; when i have an idea that needs to come out.

I win: when i put my mind to it.

I lose: when im not paying attention, when im lazy, when i want to let someone else win.

I never: want to be old and alone.

I always: want to be on a beach; try and look on the bright side; want to understand and be understood; talk it out; send my love into the future.

I confuse: vivek.

I listen: to aything thats remotely nice.

I can usually be found: dreaming, in my room, on my bed, with my laptop on my tummy. or in the gym. or with vivek. or watching a movie. or eating out. or being with my family.

I am scared: of the dark; of losing people i love; of losing a moment that will never come back.

I need: to be loved; to believe in myself some more; to see the world some day.

I am happy about: everything, at the moment.

I imagine: what life would be like if i hadnt had the childhood and upbringing that i had; what it would be like to be a boy; how it must feel like to be able to teleport yourself into any time and place.