Monday, July 14, 2008

here and now

all through my life, ive been the sort of person that organises, plans, coordinates and controls everything i do. yes control, is the operative word there. i like to think i have control over what i do, what happens to me, and where my life is headed. from little meticulous to-do lists, to a carefully cleaned out and organised cupboard, iv been a stickler for planning things and doing them in a way that gives me great pleasure when iv ticked those things off my list.

im still organised, but somethings changed. iv slowed down, and chilled out. i dont get so hassled over things that dont turn out the way i might have imagined, or planned or meant for them to pan out..i give into a fatalistic approach far more easily than i used to, and i have learnt to live more in the now than brood over the past or stress over the future. i wont say im perfect, but im miles ahead of where i used to be. and i must confess, life is happier and slower when you learn not to try and stay in control.

i guess its because ive learnt that so little really is in my control. with things that happen, the turns in life, events, moments, changes..none of these really come with prior warning, or after having consulted with you. most often life doesnt fit into a to-do list or a colour coded way of life. life isnt always about ticking things off a laundry list and thats something iv learnt recently.

i cant say i succeed everytime, but im getting there. iv learned to try and live for the moment, to think about the here and the now, and to savour every bit of the present, because you never really get a second chance. and who knows whats coming my way, with every passing moment.

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