tears of anger are so easily mistaken for tears of weakness and fear.

Sent from my Nokia phone

i cant sleep.
i havent had a sleepless night in FOREVER. its been so long that i cant remember the last time i had trouble sleeping.
this sure looks like the return of the semi-insomniac time of my life.

CRAP.

a quarter century and counting

waking up is tougher
metabolism is not as quick as it used to be
you dont wake up feeling like you could eat a horse
its harder to stay on the treadmill the whole 30 mins
the fat seems to melt away sloowwwwwwly
the mid riff gets bigger so much more easily
the beer that is guzzled, takes longer to disappear
the more fat you get, the longer it takes for it to reverse

peoples words are taken more seriously
feelings are hurt more easily
personal space is craved more eagerly
tempers are flaring, always ready to flip out
opinions get stronger

money begins to matter more
a direction and an aim in life gets clearer (i think)
what you want becomes very dear to you
where you should be seems elusive -- so close yet so far
suddenly time seems to be just slipping you by and you hit panic about how much of life is already over and done with

yup. there's no more fighting it. im well past the quarter century mark.

i'd forgotten how good it is to work out. and to feel that rush of endorphins surge through your body.

happyendorphinriddenhaathime

Sent from my Nokia phone

i've had it with customer care. HAD IT.

i had the wonderful fortune of finally getting thru to an hdfc phone banker this morning. this is after trying about 234658 times on 3-4 different days, trying to understand their mindboggling ivr system and navigate through it, to get to where i need to be. or at least thats where i think i need to direct my query. after repeatedly making them understand that i cannot give them my debit card number to verify, as my debit card has no numbers -- seeing as how iv been using the same card for 5 years now, and the numbers are all erased! and after going all over the place, just to speak to an incompetent ninny (IN) at hdfc.

me: id like to request for a new ipin please
IN: please be on hold while i make a request
(annoying stuck record indian string instrument music follows for an eternity)
IN: i have made a request. your new ipin will be send to your mailing address withint seven working days
me: id like to change my mailing address please. iv changed my residence
IN: we cant do that on the phone, pleases go to your nearest branch
me: the nearest branch, where i opened the account is always closed..this is in malleswaram. what should i do?
IN: please go to the nearest branch
me: yes, the malleswaram branch seems to have shut down, where should i go?
IN: please go to the nearest branch
me: is there anything else nearest to me? can you give me another option please
IN: no madam, please go to the nearest branch
me: can you give me an alternative branch? the one nearest to me is closed.
IN: no madam there is nothing else 'nearest' to you

sometimes i think theyre a species in themselves. genetically engineered for customer care jobs.

murphys at work again

yesterday i had a head on collision. with a bulldozer. called Monday Morning.
today iv been drugged by an intoxicant that makes time crawl. its called Tuesday Morning.

and suddenly i wake up and realise i have 4 days to go (including today).

typically, theres nothing wrong with my working week. its just that i prefer lazy weekends better. i prefer to catch up on sleep. i prefer to cucoon myself in my room. watch tv. read. drink. meet friends. drive around.

but murphys ensures that weekends whizz by. and the nights of "endless" slumber whizz by. but the working week, trudges along.

stupid murphy.

im learning..

im learning something i knew very very little about. its the art of detachment. to let go and try and be less peeved about the way things are. to get thru time with as less emotional flurry as possible.

with detachment comes letting go. the day i do that, it'll be like attaining nirvana.

Sent from my Nokia phone

un-domestic

if there is such a thing as the epitome of domestication, im the exact opposite of it.

i cant handle crowds and family and people and polite talk and unnecessary show and fancy dos.

i think i have a problem. its called undomesticity.

Sent from my Nokia phone

the only thing that made being cheated worse was being told that i DESERVED to be cheated :(

Sent from my Nokia phone

i feel blue-ee-bee-doo

...and not in a good way :(

everyday. every single day. i realise in some way or the other. just how much i dont fit in. just how much im unlike the people around me. just how much i dont belong. and just how much i feel like a strange weirdo.

 

"People are strange when youre a stranger, faces look ugly when youre alone.
women seem wicked when youre unwanted, streets are uneven when youre down..."