the truth about my life

ive never been one to do things to fit in. to "improve" my image. to please everyone around me. to be accepted. to be one with the crowd. to fit the mould perfectly. to do what everyone thinks is the thing to do. i never have been and i never will be. iv floated through all my 23 years with a few meaningful friends. those have never gone beyond a mere 3-4 people at any given time. and thats jus the way iv been and how iv turned out and how iv liked it.

people come into your lives at different points, for different reasons. the good ones stand by you and turn out to be true friends. others hop on for a ride and hop off when its convenient. but im glad that over the years i have a few but very meaningful friendships that have traversed many weird, eccentric, dramatic, crazy, happy, sad, intellectual, goofy, simply wonderful times. and who are important pieces of my weird and tragically boring life at the moment.

niyu: bestest friend of all. for keeps and all. whether i show it or not, and whether she likes it or not.

akshay: i think we know each other inside out. we've come a LONG, LONG way. and though things have changed, i respect, cherish and hold our relationship in very high regard. much as hed like to disagree i care furiously, as much as i always have. and much as he likes to ignore my calls and sms's, it doesnt stop me from keeping in touch. there is a certain lobster theory that comes to mind, when i think of him. i wonder what life would be like if 2003 hadnt happened. i think we've grown up so much since then.

uttara: its weird but we've really come full circle. from 2001, to date i think we've been friends in varying degrees of intenisty in some way or the other. there was a time when we practically lived in each others homes. we didnt do a thing without consulting each other or doing it together. and then we drifted. and then we became friends again and now we really have come full circle. when im in the need for cheering up, im bored and i need company and a good time, or when i suddenly think wow its been so long since i met utts, i know i can count on her. she can knock some good sense into my head..seeing how she is the more experienced on in a certain department of life ;)

vivek: came into my life and in very delicately meticulous way he gnawed his way into my life. from trips to mysore, to photography and getting through crappy long nights at resource, and tons of fun and laughter and tears i think heres a friend i think im going to keep for life. he's shown me happiness and positivity and strength and resilience and understanding. and im so goddamn grateful. veesee is my reality check, with the calvin grin.

james: ok prateek, not james. i think iv known him just about 2 years now. or maybe less. but there are some people who come into your life and you know are there to stay. shit happens, words are flung, feelings are hurt, silence is maintained, time flies, and then its all back where it started. theres not too many people i can talk to, about just about anything..from crap and flatulence, to life at work, living alone, potty-training ones parents and keeping friends..and i can do it with james. he's 100% dependable. (even though i said nobody is dependable, just yesterday) and yes, i think we have a past life connection of sorts. he's opened my eyes to music iv never heard, truth i never knew and things i never knew i could laugh at.

arjuna: funny how we met on icq, seven long years ago. and i cannot believe we're still friends. and we've been friends through so many differet times in our lives. we've been colleagues. and then ex colleagues and sill friends. with so much in common and so many things to laugh about. he promises that we're going on a road trip some day soon. and he says we have a "contract". but neither of us remembers it, so help us god. he also promises that we will get drunk at each others weddings someday. i think thats a decent measure of being "friends forever" :)

pooja: aka mamoid/steaming/mad mamu/mental mamu. shes the diametric opposite of everything that i am. but we're friends and somehow we manage to make sense to each other. we did a pondi trip out of the blue and that was amongst the best trips iv taken with friends. we said we'd do it once every year. but nearly 2 years have passed and we havent so i think its time we moved our butts pondi-wards.

tabish: long distances dont seem to make us drift apart. i spent a whole weekend with him in europe when we'd barely met a few times bfore. but so many years later, i still think of him as a sound influence in my life and i know id go visit him if i were travelling. much like he does with me.

priya: we've shared the most insane and the most serious times. the funnest times of the more recent years of my life have been with her. im glad she's coming back. we've shared wicked laughter, insane amounts of alcohol, tripping on good food, intensely dramatic talk about life and boys, the need to travel, and so much more. sigh.

so there it is. i think im a list person. and iv just finished another one. this one isnt changing too much through my life i think.

sunday evening blues

there are times when monday morning blues arrive on sunday evening.

there are times when you want to do something and theres a million obstacles thats holding you back.

there are times when you suddenly feel nobody is dependable.
now is one such time.

its really weird..

just a thought: i just realised, that for sometime now, a normal week in my life is about getting through 5 days fast, to reach friday, and then the weekend. thats pathetic. i dont know i went from living one day at a time to wanting to hit fast forward and get to friday asap.

and another: i dont know what i hold so sacred about weekends. because weekends are not particularly extraordinary. i get to sleep some more. i get to go out. i get to eat at home. i get to "relax". and the weird thing is, there's nothing particularly stressful or tiresome about the working week. except the commute. hmm..

and another: even though im pretty chilled out and relaxed and not over worked, im DYING to go on another holiday. its barely been one month since my last one.

what am i running away from??

i wish

i wish there was more reason for posting this song. but its only the fact that i really like the song.

blockmind

a seasonal offer
a free wireless mouse (WHOPEE!)
a boring product catalogue
a hard-to-please boss
no creative leaps happening here
headlines anyone??

discomfort

reasons for discomfort:
its the middle of the week.
work is going downhill today.

bigger reason for discomfort:
this odd feeling of loneliness.
i just feel so goddamn lonely.

like a fish out of water.
like an unfinished song.
like a lost puppy.
like a homeless tramp.

she

she wishes to be swept off her feet. by a charming someone. flowers, candles, champagne and all. she secretly wishes were singing again.
she wants to marry michael buble. who by the way, has the most velvet-ty yummylicious smooth voice.
she knows that when he sings, he sings to her.
she will do anything to be on a beach. anytime of the year.
she wishes she could travel to one new city every month.
she knows that a lot of things that need to be done, are just piling on her to-be-done-in-life list.
she wishes she could go out for drinks, drink a mojito and chill, because she's being driven home. she is angry beneath the surface.
she has made some friends, none of whom seem to fit just right.
she is a specimen of habit. an old shoe is just fine. fewer, old friends will do just fine, thank you very much.
she gives and gives and gives and somewhere that damned expectation creeps in.
she wants to have one whole night of sleep. EIGHT full hours of it.
she wants a room with a make over.
she recognises when people mean what they say.
she smiles when shes confused. she smiles when shes sad. she smiles when she wants and cannot have.

i know this she.

fun? anyone?

at this point of time, its REALLY annoying me that i have nothing to look forward to the rest of this week, or the weekend. like nothing. and thats slightly bugging me.

we're on thursday. the weekend is almost here, but its not exciting me. i dont want to get through today and tomorrow. and i want the weekend too. but at the same time theres nothing really compelling about the weekend, so whatever..

tbbpth.

im feeling touchy and emotional. and restless and uneasy and unsettled. and very not in the mood for the present. its like i cant put my finger on whats bothering me. i want to be unreasonable and be pampered for a bit.

crap.
tbbpth.
mean people all around.

im back

two days just wasnt enough.

bring out your time machine once again please?

i want to go back.

new found obsession

im obsessed with this song. its on repeat. i didnt think id like bjork. there's something childishly, crazy, care-free-ishly, happy about this song..

gah!

people are just SO frigging presumptuous.

bored blue bleagh

its an unbelievably dull and slow day at work. its a monday, and tomorrow is a holiday. today OUGHT TO HAVE BEEN a holiday. it should have been mandatory. nothing seems to be moving around here. everything is slugglish and slow, i can almost hear the voices in my head, and in everyones heads around me. slow, morphed, grawwwwllly, dawwddlyy voices, that long to be back home. in bed. its a day for movies and popcorn. for fresh corn. or candy. or chaat. or photography. or purple tassled dreams. of letter-writing. or slowing down and breathing. of undoing the drama. of just doing anything but sitting my unshapely butt in this chair and wondering what the day holds in store for me.

monday morning blues alert.

it hasnt hit me this bad in a long, long time.