unload

So how do you get over the worst week in a long long time? How do you come to terms with the fact that you just might be pushing yourself in the wrong direction, into doing something you know you dont have a passion for?

How do you undo what your life has turned into in just one week? A royal mess of efforts directed in futile activities?

How do you feel good about yourself again? About who you are, what youre good at, what youre meant to do? How do you believe in yourself again, in your abilities and your passion? How do you make life meaningful again, when all you've done for one long tiring week long is aimlessly force yourself to do something you hate, and fail at it, multiple times over?

I'll tell you how.

You get family together. You go out to the beach. You decompress. You watch the waves coming in and going out. You remind yourself why you are in Goa. You thank the stars for everything they've brought your way. You remind yourself that this is just a job. And then you tell yourself that you will give it your all, try with all your might and what will be, will be. And that the rest of your life isnt going to be ruined by the misplaced messes that happen at work. You remind yourself that life really is about happy times that happen in between the things you need to do to survive. Life is what happens when Im painting. When Im cooking. When Im sharing a laugh with VC. When we're sitting in the balcony, talking about the day gone by and sharing the most inane details with enthusiasm. Life is what happens when Im too busy enjoying the moment to really care whats going to happen next.

That's what I did to overcome and undo one of the worst weeks of my life here in Goa. A week that was altogether unsuccessful, depressing and so forgettable. I hate weeks that leave me with nothing meaningful to mark my life with. Last week was like that. It was like painfully trying my hand at doing something I know I cant. And failing. Like trying to ram through a steel wall, that wont come down. It cant be done. Much like me, writing copy. It just cant be done. And i feel the more I push myself into it, the harder it gets. The more frustrating it gets. And thats what brings unhappiness.

I feel like Iv solved the biggest mystery of the week. And I just needed to let go a little.