father and son, on the beach

the light was perfect. the setting just right. the sun cast an amber glow all around. just then a gigantic cloud shadow passed over us, and the silver light shined through at the far end. a ship or two passed by in the distance. perfectly framed.

the protagonist - harsh at his excited best to be at the beach yet again. the accompanying characters - his dad, calm as a cucumber and his mom - paranoid as hell.

and me? i was just hanging around, kicking myself for not having my camera to capture it all.

another year gone by

in a little over a day, i will be 25 no more.

sigh.

today i've learnt

that im really good at having conversations with myself, when im actually conversing with someone.

monologues that should actually be dialogues.

banter that should actually be conversation.

 

i can go on and on and on, without any response.

hmm.. i wonder what il discover next.

angry. so angry.

IM SEEING RED.

im my husbands newest client!

..when you call your husband and ask if he has a moment to spare to talk, and he asks, "what is this regarding?" -- in the politest, most business-like fashion...

and
..when you talk about his colleagues on chat, and he tells you to avoid doing that, but instead says, "no work talk at work. please keep it in mind next time"...

you just know he's turned workaholic and theres no looking back. from here on you are your husbands newest client, and your relationship will henceforth consist of meeting requests, schedules, emails, formal business talk and the like..

freedom

is so relative.



no matter how free you think you may be, you just never really are free from:
- expectations
- rigid beliefs and ideas
- fitting the mould expected of you
- sentiments that you dont abide by
- lifestyle that doesnt suit you
- feelings
- unnecessary guilt
- the pain of having to please someone else

aww jeez..hohummsigh.

nowhere girl

the weather is awesome.
i have so much to say.
suddenly so much to share.
and nobody to share it with.
the one person i WOULD like to talk to has no time at all anymore.
theres no conversation.
and no time, of course.
only the feeling of having to "just deal with it".

ah, life. i love it.

a lull in the blogosphere

people in my very small blog bubble hardly update their blogs anymore.
im bored.

since iv been in bangalore i have:

- spent more time in the original home than i have in a LOOOOONG LONG time, and loved every moment of it
- eaten plenty of home cooked food that i have missed for so long now
- been to koshys, toscano and indijoes
- faffed with james everyday
- slept peacefully, in my original bedroom
- gone back to my ex office, met all my ex colleagues and felt overwhelmed with nostalgia
- canceled my return ticket and wondered about when i should return
- laughed till i nearly pee'd in my pants
- done some really mad eccentric things and embarrassed people i was with
- felt really happy to be home, even though bangalore depresses me more than ever

mango hunger..

satisfied.

tasted the first mangoes of the season today.

bliss.

at home, at home.

im finally feeling uber relaxed at home. things seem so complete now that the internet is up. im SUCH a slut for connectivity. the internet is the closest i can get to actually BEING with my friends, doing the things i would do back home i guess.

the irony is, im going back to bangalore tonight. for just a week. and much as i have been just dying to go back home and whiff all that familiarity, now that the internet is here (and has brought with it some of that settledness) i dont want to go!

one of the most awesome days spent at the beach

its weekends like this that really make me grateful for having got this chance in life.

The Times of Goa

After being told several times over by many different people that I should walk in to the Times of India office (which funnily is not too far off from where I live!), make a personal appearance and enquire about openings, I finally decided to do so.

My initial lethargy and hesitation in doing this came from the fact that it’s not something I’ve done ever before. Make a cold call, that is. But since so many reliable sources had told me it was the best thing to do, I thought perhaps that’s how it works in a town like Goa.

Yesterday while I was driving back home, I spontaneously walked into the TOI office. At the reception a pretty (seemingly Goan) girl paused her telephone call to hear me out, and proceeded to redirect me to the back of the building. She asked me to look for a security guard. I expected the security guard would then direct me to the right official. So off I went. Through a dingy back alley I went, to what looked like a garage shutter. A security guard stood at the base of a staircase that led up. I explained myself once more, and asked to meet the concerned person.

The security guard dials a number on the phone and explains, “Koi job dhundhne aya hai.”, while I think to myself, “Ummm not quite. I’m here to MEET THE RIGHT PERSON to talk to about a possible opening for a writer/editor.” Oh never mind.

When he hangs up the phone, he very triumphantly asks me to give him my resume, post which the person concerned will decide if he/she wants to get back to me.

A lot of attitude, I thought, for a publication that is apparently short staffed and always looking for writers! But then again everything in Goa has been a strangely new experience for me. Perhaps this is just another one for the record.

Background settings for life

In the age of customizable options and instant everything, I’m beginning to wish life too had such alternatives.

Like an order of instant solutions to nagging problems. Customizable hair, weight and height options. Instant mood alteration possibilities. Zip, zap, zoom and go to any corner of the world you wish, almost like teleportation. The capacity to slow time down when you’re having a good time, and speed it up when you’re miserable.

How I wish it were possible to make things happen…just about anything…at the snap of a finger. I wish life came with a bunch of settings, themes and customizable options for us to choose from. Like when buying a wardrobe. You get to choose from a series of color options – mahogany, beech, lightwood, teak finish blah blah. And then there’s the option of two-door, three-door, number of drawers, kind of handles blah blah. Life too should have its list of options. Like if life chooses to send me to Goa, that decision ought to come with a bunch of options for me to choose from – friends I’d like to take with me, family I’d like to transport along with me, an instant job, a ready-to-move-in home, instant happy pills for when I’m lonely, the potential to go back to Bangalore for half a day and come back in a jiffy, basically make distances as long or as short as I want them to be. How I wish!

Being in Goa, I sometimes wish I control the settings of my life. Mess around with the options until I get optimal settings for the best results to suit my needs.