when you want something, the universe conspires to make it happen

everytime i wished i was living by the beach...
everytime i complained about the appaling state of affairs in bangalore...

everytime i said i wanted out and wanted to leave this goddamn wrecked city...

everytime i sighed and ooh-ed and aah-ed when i saw a pretty home...

everytime i was down and out about the ups and downs of my job...

everytime i longed for a change and a challenge to break life's mundanity...
everytime i dreamed about a home of my own...
everytime i hoped for better opportunities...
everytime i wondered when id take charge of my life...

...someone was listening, and conspiring to put it all together for me.

stealing this off romi's blog

"by the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends"

and thats exactly how i feel today. the ends were so close to meeting. and someone moved them away. and i dont have the patience or the energy or the commitment to start over.

or maybe i do. and i just dont think this place deserves it anymore?

anyhoo, i think its time to move on. this cheese and this place has gotten way to smelly for me to handle.

time to move on to better, perfumed, sunshiney pastures.

moving on has always been easy for me. the physical act of separating oneself from something and packing up and leaving, that is. im always so quick to take a decision, and do what i think is right. the "moving on" that happens after that is the tough part.

right now im all guns blazing. decisions almost fully made. dialogues just waiting to be spewed. but what will happen next?

this time im less worried, though. i KNOW i deserve better. and i KNOW better things lie ahead. maybe it was worth giving what i did, for a whole year and expecting or getting very little in return. but its time to get a little selfish and think about myself, all my dreams, all that is waiting to happen, all that iv been putting on hold for so long now. its time to un-pause that and go get it.

and in order to do that, move on i must.
adios. im out of here gss.

i feel detached today

maybe because i suddenly realize who matters and who doesnt
maybe because i suddenly realize that so much has changed
maybe because i suddenly realize that i cant really make anything happen, unless its MEANT to happen
maybe because i suddenly realize i dont want to go back to things exactly the way they used to be
maybe because i suddenly realize that, thats just the way it goes
maybe becuase i suddenly realize that time goes on, shit happens, things change and i should stop being so emotionally attached to the things i dream up in my head

i feel detached today. i just wish it were a holiday, so i didnt have to sit here and pretend to be engrossed in this report. instead, i could sit around and dream away.

random musings for the day..

I've never really understood the thing about relationships and dependencies. What is it that makes us depend? To peg all our hopes and dreams on that ONE someone?

Sent from my Nokia phone

55-fiction to remember the day

The day has come. What normally takes six months to arrive, has taken me nearly 12. Mostly because I got screwed over. It comes with a letter. And a backpack, branded in corporate colors. After all the hard work and sweat and tears, all I can say is, it’s about time!

I’ve just been confirmed.

im brave..

but im chicken shit.

and what it all comes down to..is that everything's going to to be quite alright.

is it?

indispensable.

this is a sudden burst, because i just HAD TO say this out somewhere.

im back at work after a 3 day break. only to realize im indispensable. when im not aorund nobody can do what i do. so what needs to be done simply gets piled up to be done when im back.

why? because im indispensable.

im back at work after a 3 day break. only to realize im indispensable. because iv just gone through piles of emails where questions have gone unanswered, issued unattended, and problems have gotten bigger. simply because when im not around to answer questions nobody answers them on my behalf.

why? because im indispensable.

im back at work after a 3 day break. only to realize im indispensable. because a 26 page document could not be proofed by anyone else. and had to wait till today when i would be back to do the dirty work.

why? because im indispensable? or because im just taken for granted?

im leaning towards the latter now.