contentment

i just got back from one of the most satisfying holidays this year.

and on a quiet moment on the rocks, i realised that 2008 has been a decent year for me. there's been the good, the bad and the ugly, but i think an overall sense of goodness prevails. the good has outdone the bad and ugly. and im looking forward to 2009.

its THAT time of year again (ugh!) when by default i start looking back and wondering how time has flown, what have i done that has made a difference this year, how much have i grown.. or have i grown at all? (and i dont mean the weight and height)

but more about that soon...

homesickness

i have the good fortune of having TWO homes to call my own. and whats better, theyre just within 10 mins of eachother.

yet, i feel homesick.

happy song for the day

so im homesick. and holidaysick. and sleep deprived. i think..

and this is going to be my happysongtherapy for a while..

so im sharing the joy.

memories from a different time

i just found these.. and im going back in time.. and it feels like i could fall in love all over again.. just so easily. in love with the good times, youth, fun times, free-er times, love, generosity, positivity..and so in love with life.

in awe

i saw a glimpse of divinity today. a goddess among divine dancers.
i tasted genuineness. witnessed it first hand.

authority, divinity, grace, beauty, symmetry, love, involvement, integrity, dedication, prayer, surrender.

and its triggered something inside of me.
rekindled an old love.
brought a forgotten dream back to life.

well in a slightly soft and subdued way.


i visited nrityagram today. the agenda was to walk around and take pictures. but all i did was sit and watch. from beginning to end. and i think it would be safe to say that my jaw that dropped when she walked in didnt get put back in place until i had left.

sting believes it too :)

O F O F O F, i just found this..

If you need somebody, call my name
If you want someone, you can do the same
If you want to keep something precious
You got to lock it up and throw away the key
If you want to hold onto your possession
Don't even think about me

everybody's free to wear sunscreen

today im reminded of the sunscreen song.

"respect your elders. don’t expect anyone else to support you.
maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse,
but you never know when either one might run out."

"be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,
wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth."

and i could not agree more.
im so dazed and confused about so many things.

whats right? whats wrong?
what would i do?
are my opinions too strong?
where would i draw the line?
is my view a little skewed?

set it free

akshay always said "when you love someone, set them free"
i know now more than ever how important it is to let go, give space, set your love for something free.. its the only way to let it grow, and flower into everything it can be.

i wish there were an easier way to understand this.

what i learned yesterday..

i dont understand death
im not good with death
when im overwhelmed and overcome by emotion, theres no controlling it
someday il have to deal with all of this first hand, and its going to be very scary

forget what we're told, before we get too old

sometimes when im feeling too much to explain myself the words just dont come out right, leaving me stifled by my emotions..an old song, a bunch of lyrics to my rescue.

sometimes the timing is mindnumbingly eerie. like when it just turns on, randomly, when my ipod is on shuffle.

we'll do it all
everything
on our own
we don't need
anything
or anyone
if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world?
i dont quite know
how to say
how i feel
those three words
i said too much
theyre not enough
if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world?
forget what we're told
before we get too old
show me a garden thats bursting into life
lets waste time
chasing cars
around our heads
i need your grace
to remind me
to find my own
if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world?
forget what we're told
before we get too old
show me a garden thats bursting into life
all that i am
all that i ever was
is here in your perfect eyes, theyre all i can see
i dont know where
confused about how as well
just know that these things will never change for us at all
if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world?

fear

a human beings worst enemy is fear. theres nothing more debilitating and hindering to ones individuality and ones expression, than fear. its the bane of all existence.

fear wrecks everything. fear controls ones goodness, curbs positivity and ruins any possibility of anything good coming out of ones actions.

thats because fear has this unique quality..of consuming and completely enveloping everything you could have otherwise thought of or done to get yourself through a situation. fear clouds your rationality. it weighs you down, affects your mind body and soul. and makes you believe things that are not otherwise true. it has this way of worming itself into your psyche, and engulfing every bit of your thinking, human brain.

fear is the wrong path to take. it changes things. turning them over completely. wrecking the future that awaits each of us. fear makes us think when we shouldnt. it makes us calculate when we shouldnt. it makes us regret when we shouldnt. it makes us feel unhappy and weak when we arent.

but the thing that makes fear most deadly, is when its tied up with respect. when we confuse our respect and love for something or someone, as a reason to fear what might happen to them. fear and respect should never be made 2 sides of the same coin. because theyre not. infact theyre exactly the opposite.

when you earn someones respect, it sets you free. it liberates you. or at least its supposed to. but when you confuse that respect and tie it up with fear, you get weighed down, bound, tied up..to all the things that hold you down. and stop you from being that person you really are. that self inside of you, that burning to be set free. thats craving liberation. that must be allowed to bloom, fly, take off, soar.

i write..

..because its what i do best.
..because it makes me happy.
..because it gives me a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
..because i believe i havent tappen my potential to its absolute fullest.
..because it challenges me.
..because im worth it.
..because its fulfilling.
..because its become my livelihood.
..because it comes so easy.
..because i have a brain that needs to be used.
..because its my life.

..not because i have nothing better to do.
..not because i need to get out of home.
..not because i need something random to occupy myself.

"what you feel is what you are
and what you are is beautiful"-- slide, goo goo dolls

...and i cant go :(:(:(

yeah, so maybe it is selfish. but i really did want to go. shakti comes to bangalore once in maybe 3-4 years. so yeah, that makes me damn selfish for wanting to go. and now i cant. and maybe it shouldnt be such a big deal, but it really bothers me all of a sudden.

too much for one day

too much has happened for one day.
crisscrossing thoughts.
physical exhaustion.
sleep deprivation.
the endorphins trying hard to get me going.
and all i want to do is put my head down and sleep.
and call it a day.
at 7 pm.

there's nothing like a nice song that hits the spot, just the way you need it to.

Hold up
Hold on
Dont be scared
Youll never change whats been and gone

May your smile (may your smile)
Shine on (shine on)
Dont be scared (dont be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
Youll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up (get up)
Come on (come on)
Whyre you scared? (Im not scared)
Youll never change
Whats been and gone

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
Youll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
Youll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Were all of us stars
Were fading away
Just try not to worry
Youll see us some day
Just take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out


*****

im tired.. and i havent said it enough.

life goes on..

who do we trust?
who do we believe in?
what will give us hope to keep going?
what will make everyday life relatively safe again?
am i really that sheltered and cuccooned from the harshness of this reality, that i only am exposed to in terms of news and media reports?
where is the truth and the justice?
how can i as an individual do my bit to make india a better place in the face of all this madness?
should life go on the way it has, like nothing really happened?

yawn..

waking up isnt so easy these days. there's too much happening too soon. and its as much as it is exciting. yawwwwwwwwn..