random rant

i need to rant and i have nowhere to do it. so here goes:
im disappointed. im disillusioned. but deep down i know it will pass. i just wish i knew my way through this confusion.

im also happy. and satisfied in a sense. but thats not about all of my life in general.

my life at the moment: close to perfect. a loving family, despite all my tantrums and dramatic interjections, they're always supportive. and though i seldom see it, never acknowledge it, NEVER appreciate it. i know im super lucky. and i know im ungrateful. if i am where i am today, its because they've always supported and let me do my thing, almost no questions asked.

personally: peachy. i couldnt ask for anything more. theres a happy high and a slumping low every now and then, but its all for the best. i dont know where i get this unshaking faith and belief that things always work out in the end. and if its not alright, well then it just isnt the end. so i wait. and i wait quite happily.

socially: just enough. happily adequate. countable few friends that i enjoy the company of. online and in person. im happy, entertained, intellectually stimulated, cared for and all in all its just a jolly good time.

professionally: confusing and directionless, but im hanging in there.

on my mind at the moment: is my life going to be one constant quest to find the nicest place to work? a place thats just the right combination of interesting work balanced with mentoring, guidance and rigour? a place thats organised and information flows so as to make everyones life easy? or should i stop asking questions, zone it all out and function on auto pilot? because this is the truth everywhere?

theres enough happiness doing the rounds in my life at the moment. i need to zone out the crap and focus on the good juju. and i need to do it starting NOW.